Why did I not decline?
by Oudemia
Summary: Sometimes life simply sucks. Especially when you are blackmailed into taking care of a Mary-Sue called Mary Sue, that otherwise would surely ruin the whole plot. As I said: Sometimes life simply sucks...
1. Chapter 1

Errm well, don't know really yet, where this is going. It's not going to be a serious Sue, but more a parody or bashing of these things. Sue's rather happy, but our first person narrator isn't. Please help me improving by showing me my mistakes in spelling as well as in grammar and context =) But please be little lenient for I'm not a native speaker

Disclaimer: Well, since I am not male, a genius and certainly not dead I do not own Middle-Earth.

Since I am not male and a genius I do not own the Discworld Death.

I am just taking persons and places and play a little with them =)

* * *

I never wanted this.  
I never asked for this.

Well, under different circumstances I would have loved to be here. However _these_ circumstances made it impossible to even like it a bit!

Oh, I hope you forgive me my rambling. Maybe I should start at the beginning of this whole, er, incident.

/_/_/_/

I was minding my own business, reading a nice book about Discworld. I wasn't bothering anyone, just sitting in the classroom, waiting for the last lesson of the day to begin. Then _she _ walked in.

She was perfect. In any way possible. Well, at least she thought so - no - she thinks so, none's ever going to be able to change that. Her name's Mary. Please don't laugh. It's true and it totally fits this story.

You know, she has a second name. I didn't know back then, but well her full name is Mary Sue Trent. She has long blond hair. Oh, don't mind that she didn't have blond hair in first grade. Back then it was simple and plain brown, just a little lighter than my own. And she has ever so perfect blue eyes. I shouldn't forget to mention her perfect pure skin perfectly tanned.

I could throw up at the very thought of her... And no! I am not - N O T - jealous of her!  
I like myself and my brain, which doesn't reside in my breasts. Not to mention that I have a healthy figure instead of being thin enough to have my spine broken by a sudden rush of wind.

Well, back to the story.  
Now, you see, she walked in ever giggling with her "friends", chattering with them about ever so important topics like:

"Oh, my! Nooooo! I have forgotten my favourite hairbrush at home!" That topic was continued by three hours of whining until she had the brilliant thought of searching her bag...

However toady's topic was "Isn't Leggy totally hawt? And don't cha think he'd fall immediately in love with me?"

Ouch. You see, I'm not only a fan of good, old Disc, but of Middle-Earth as well. I'm not going to ramble about my thoughts in that very moment. However I'll tell you what happened after she stated that the first time, after having been to the movies.

/_/_/_/

I asked her, whether she could truly believe that a hundred of years old Tawarwaith had nothing better to do than to fall in love with a stupid and pretending mortal girl.

Then she gave me a stare of "Huuuuuuuuh?" I blinked, pinched my nose and asked friendly: "You have never read anything about Middle-Earth, have you?"  
Still a blank stare. "The world, where Lord of the Rings takes place?" I continued.

Then she came back to life, smacked my forehead with her perfectly polished nails: "Duuuuuh! Normal people do not - N O, errrr, T - read movies." she said and walked giggling off with her so called "friends".

I simply sighed and continued reading a text for history class.

/_/_/_/

Ahm, yes, you see, we aren't best friends. That makes me think about why I helped - or rather tried to help - her in first place.  
I should have let her been hit by that truck! Without doing anything, but noooo, neither my pride nor my conscience would have any of that. That's how I got stuck in this damned situation! Dammit!

You might be wondering about the truck thing, so I'm going to tell you.

The last lesson was finally finished, everyone in the room silently thanked whatever gods they prayed to for that. I grabbed my things, stuffed them in my backpack and made my way out of the damned building called "school".

Outside I met my best friend, just like planned. I grinned wholeheartedly and embraced him. He grinned back at me.

"In for some beating up?" He asked.

It took me a second to understand before I answered: "No, not today. Got to help my mum in the garden. Otherwise she won't let us train the swordfighting in there. Ever. Again!" I used Mary's tone of "I have broken a nail" for that last part.

He feigned a gasp and said in a tone, mocking Mary's: "Nooooo!"

We both laughed. Suddenly he turned serious, grasped my arm and spun me around.  
"Look there! It's Mary and her friends." he hissed into my ear.

And really, oh gods let her turn around, the bunch of giggling things made their way to us. Whatever could she...? Oh, yeah, right.  
I didn't tell you that Mary thought to have a crush on my best friend? True, he doesn't look too bad, but he's too intelligent to fall for her ways.

"Hiiii, Jonathan! You know you could always come to my party tomorrow evening, if you only left that at home." Mary said, resting her hands on his shoulders, ready to kiss him any moment, and her brain-dead friends giggled. With "that" she meant me.

He peeled her hands off, replying disgusted: "Do not call me Jonathan. And never call my best friend 'that'." He brushed over his shoulders as if there was dirt left. I stifled a serious fit of laughter. Never ever make the mistake and call him Jonathan. He was named after his uncle, whom he erm rather dislikes. He goes by the nickname of Jack.  
I wouldn't have to intervene in this talk. Mary made herself a laugh and Jack would turn her away for the - let me think - third time - this week.

"But you could be so totally famous around here, if you dropped her and became _my_ boyfriend!" Okay Mary that was a step too far! I inhaled to give a sharp reply, but Jack was faster.

"Yeah, of course. Everything is about fame and having more idiots around you than you can count! You know, I like to have friends, staying true to me, if I am in trouble, not mindless zombies, that giggle all the time. And by the way, just because I hang around a lot with Lilian, that doesn't mean, that she's my girlfriend. That's just that way in your world. So get lost!"

Close your mouth Mary, it's not the first time you hear something like this from him. Poor Jack, must have had a bad day, normally he isn't one to loose his temper easily. Otherwise he'd be a bad sword fighter. If I weren't concerned for Jack, I'd laugh at Mary. She opened and closed her mouth quite often, making her look like a guppy. Well, good Jack would have to wait until Mary left. He wouldn't want to talk about anything in front of her.

Then she turned around, making her hair fly around her head. "Fine." she snapped "Fine! But don't think you'll ever get any friends here anymore!" Sheesh! She'd never understand...

She stalked away with her friends 'humpf'ing us. Just three steps away she gave all her friends little kisses and said goodbye.

I turned to Jack and wanted to ask him, what was wrong, when I saw Mary being unbelievably stupid out of the corner of my eye. She walked over the street, her nose up, watching Jack and me over her shoulder. She would never see the truck in time!

My body reacted without my mind. I spun around and raced over to the street, waving my arms and shouting at her. That stupid idiot just stared at me baffled, not moving an inch. I wanted to stop, knowing I wouldn't stand a chance of survival, yet I couldn't. Later I would find out why...

I raced in Mary trying to bring the two of us out of the truck's way. I knew there was no chance and we both screamed. Hell, I never felt so undignified and I could have never cared less about it.

I don't remember much of the impact with the truck, neither did I hear the breaks squealing or anything. No. Just silence. I didn't feel much pain either, shock or something like that, I assume now.

Jack's face appeard in front of mine, he looked like he was talking to me urgently. But I heard naught. Slowly his face faded out of focus and two other persons- no rather, beings - beings floated in sight.

/_/_/_/

Dieing is odd.

Even more so, when there a two beings arguing about seemingly you.

Hmm, if dieing was anything like described in Disc novels, then I should be able to...  
I got up leaving my body behind. Great, so I was dead and it was a bit like on Disc.

I watched the two entities closer.  
One was dressed in a black robe, a scythe lying beside it and a hourglass in its hand. That would be Death then.  
However I couldn't discern the second entity. It seemed vaguely familiar, maybe I had read a description of it somewhere, somewhen, but I couldn't remember.

What struck me as odd, was the fact, that there was still sand in what appeared to be my timer. Why, I thought, am I dead then?

I decided against making them notice me and listen to them.

"SHE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE NOW." spoke the figure in black. So that was settled, it is Death. He spoke always in capitals in Disc novels.

"You did not make such a fuss about the other girl." said the other one. Death sighed. Cool, he didn't even have a breath.

"HER TIME WAS UP." Ah, so Mary was already dead.

At least something, I wouldn't have to travel with her to the next world. But wait! I wasn't supposed to die! I cannot die! Not here and not now! Death would make sure of that! What did he say in one of the Disc novels? "There's no justice just me" or something like that?

My little mental Lilian made a victory dance. I just had forgotten that I was now only mental Lilian. Dammit! I had made the victory dance, bugger that was embarassing!

They both stared at me. Okay now's the time to say it: "You'll be Death, then?" Weeee! Commander Sam Vimes had said that, when he underwent a near-death experience, ah that's a different story!

Death grinned, basically he always did so, but still: "YOU READ SOME NOVELS ABOUT DISCWORLD, RIGHT?"  
Got to love that voice!

I nodded and said: "So I don't have to worry about dieing, then? I mean there's still sand in my timer and everything?"

The other figure sighed and replied: "You see, when your friend..."

WHAT? FRIEND? Never! I interrupted him forcefully: "That girl is everything, but not my friend!"

Both gave me again a stare. Oops.

"IF YOU ARE NOT, WHY DID YOU TRY TO SAVE HER? AND NO, YOU WON'T DIE NOW." I stared blanky at Death, who gave the other guy a sharp glance. I hadn't wanted to, well in the beginning I had. However I had noticed I wouldn't be able to and had wanted to stop. And found myself unable to do so.

"I didn't want to. I simply did." Okay, that sounded odd, even to my ears.

"Maybe I can explain that." Wow, that's the first time the other one directed a word at me. I glanced at him.

"Then explain! Why couldn't I stop running?" I was annoyed. Even if I did survive, the chance was high that I wouldn't even be able to lift a spoon.

Oh, and he did explain!

"What do you know about Middle-Earth's creation?" he asked.

"Uhm, to put it in a nutshell: Firstly there was that melody or song or something along there lines made by Illúvatar and the Ainur. Then it became real and those Ainur, who went to Middle-Earth were henceforth called Valar. I just don't get what this has to do with this whole damn situation!" I grew more and more frustrated.

That guy just smiled at me and nodded. "That should suffice for now. And you shouldn't be that impatient. I'll get to that point now." At this I rolled my eyes and tapped my foot.

He looked at me sternly, until I stopped tapping, and went on: "I am M... one of the Valar. And since you know about us Valar, you surely know about the Maiar as well?" I simply nodded, wanting that guy- Valar, I corrected myself mentally, to go on. "Perfectly. Then you surely know about Melkor and Sauron, too?"

I closed my eyes, drew in breath and held it for some seconds to calm myself. If that guy didn't stop talking in riddles and about things I already know soon, I'd rip his head off, Valar or no.

"Yes, I know about them! However I fail to see a connection to me!" I would soon go spare.

"Patience, child. Sauron has regained a lot of his former power by now."

I bristled with anger: "So the War of the Ring is going to take place for a second time rather soon, isn't it?"

He affirmed it and went on, once again: "However, Sauron has discovered this world and with that your books and, what do you call it again? Moowes? And thus-"

"Movies!" I corrected him, he looked a bit affronted and DEATH looked, as if he asked himself why he hadn't brought a book. I shrugged and finished his sentence:" And thus gained knowledge about his defeat. Right?"

The Valar sighed: "Yes, he did. And-"

"Wouldn't he try to change it then?" I interrupted, watching Death as he had sat himself down and waited for that Valar to be finished.

"He does! He does! That's the reason he brought - what was her name again?- Mary to Middle-Earth!" The Valar told me.

"Great! I just fail to see, where that's my problem!" I snapped and dropped myself to the floor. Okay, I admit, I can get rather errrm unfriendly, too. But I plead for clemency! I am more or less dead right now.

Death grinned, as always, but the Valar shook his head. "Well, I brought you here..."

I jumped up, interrupting him again: "So you killed me!" He looked as if he wanted to say something, but Death intervened helpfully.

"BASICALLY YOU'RE NOT DEAD, YOU'RE JUST UNDERGOING A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE."

"I don't care, okay? I am dead! And if I survive, I am going to be and invalid for the rest of my pitiful life!" I hate it! I HATE IT!

Now the Valar sighed: "I brought you here on purpose. Sauron knows that he cannot change what is going to come. That is if everything goes as planned. Mary wasn't planned and she could mess up everything."

I looked at him. Something dawned to me, but I shoved it into the back of my mind and settled for being annoying: "Could? You know, she IS going to mess everything up. And do not even bother to send me with her. She would never listen to me." I smiled innocently. Is it my fault, that she won't see reason?

The Valar rubbed his temples - ah, so Valar can get headaches, too! "She might not listen to you, but she might listen to someone else? She wouldn't be able to recognize you."

Okay, so he wanted me to go with her. Great. You see, that's the first part of the circumstances I meant, but only the first part. It gets worse. Believe me.

I thought about it. He offered me to go to Middle-Earth, one of my greatest dreams ever. I would have to take care of a Mary-Sue called Mary. What weighed more? Advantages or disadvantages?

Going to Middle-Eart versus Mary.  
Seeing places I had always dreamt of versus _Mary_.

Eh... you get the thing...

"What would happen, if I declined your, errm 'offer'?" I asked suspiciously.

Death and Valar looked at each other.  
It took a moment until the Valar spoke: "Well, you would get send back into your body and as you said, you'd most likely not be able to 'lift a spoon'. If you survived at all."

"WHY SHE WOULD SURVIVE, DEFINETLY. THERE'S STILL SAND IN HER TIMER." Death, of course, who else?

"Fine. You would survive." That Valar again.

I wanted to speak at this, but he went on:

"However, if you went to Middle-Earth and took care of Mary and, well, the future as it is planned, then there could be a solution to that problem."

Stunned I stared at him. He wanted to blackmail me into taking care of Mary? Nooooo. No, no.

"No freaking damn way! Even if I have to be trapped inside my body for the rest of my damned life, there's no way I'll babysit Mary! She's a freaking braindead zombie, caring only about her hairstyle, nails and make up!"

Both stared at me, once again. Well, I have very little sense of self-preservation.

On the other hand... Having to rely on others for everything. Even going to toilet. No more privacy. No more sparring.. No more damn living!

Maybe I should reconsider?

"Uhm... I think I take that last statement back?" Dammit, they must think me to be insane, but hey! Who cares. They are 'only' Death and a Valar. By the way, what's DEATH doing here? Shouldn't be on the Disc?

The Valar beamed at me. Great a Valar that's as insane as me...

"Now that's settled then! You see in your new ... body... you'll have different, er, abilities than you could have in this one. However you have to be patient and grow used to them."

New ... body... I do not like that pausing, that seems to be something bad, really bad, even worse than bad!

I gulped, opened and closed my mouth, gulped again, felt an expression of horror spreading over my face.

"Reconsidering again is not an option, I assume?"

That cursed Valar grinned at me, negated it.

I dropped my head and muttered a sarcastic "Great."

"Now be ready for dimension-travelling, little girl. And... think of a name for yourself!" With these last words he waved at me and I felt myself dissipate.

"Wait!" I shouted. The dissipating stopped.

"What now?" A seemingly annoyed Valar groaned.

I smiled at Death "Why are you here and not on the Disc?"

"I AM THERE AS WELL." Great that much I knew! I inhaled to speak again, but Death went on. "BUT ROUNDWORLD DEATH TOOK A DAY OFF."

I had to laugh. "It was cool to meet you, Death. I hope we won't see each other too soon again." I grinned lopsidedly and Death even laughed. That was great, worth dieing even!

"Could we now get on with this?" asked our friend the Valar. I nodded, he waved I dissipated again.

Or maybe just my consciousness dissipated, well, that thing called 'soul'.

Then there was nothing.

* * *

A/N.: So, that's it for now. As I said, I don't know where this is going to lead to. However I have already a few situations in mind, but please, if you have ideas for this, I'd love to hear them. Lilian's doom isn't total yet, she can decline, I mean taking care of a Sue? But even if she accepts, there's a little something in store for her :D


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, I am back :D

Disclaimer: I am still not male, still no genius and still very much alive. = I own nothing.

* * *

Where did I stop last time?

Ah, right. Well, I dissipated. Then let's continue, alright?

/_/_/_/

When consciousness slowly made its way back to me, I felt horrible.

My head hurt, my heart hammered like it wanted to escape my chest, my whole body was covered in cold sweat and seemed to be suddenly made of lead.

Oooh, the truck. I remembered the truck... Stupid Mary!

I decided against opening my eyes. Why? Easy enough to be answered:

I would most likely be in hospital and there would surely those ugly far too bright lights everywhere. I swear they are trying to blind you with these things!

Finally feeling returned into my hands and feet. Cool! I could feel my feet! I wouldn't be an invalid!

Wait...

Why is there a tree?

My eyes snapped open...

...and close. Just as I had thought... Light. _Bright_ light! But it was sunlight, not artificial.

The scene with Death and that Valar floated into my mind. Great. Just great. Why did I accept again?

Well, at least the trees are now explained.

Suddenly an ear-splitting scream pierced the very air. That must be Mary...

My life sucks!

/_/_/_/

"Get off! Get off! Get off!" Definitely Mary. "I hate bugs! They are so yuk!"

I could hear her jumping around, stomping on the ground.

"Get off, you gross thingie!" Be silent, Mary, be silent!

"That's so totally unkewl! Where am I? Why is nobody here?" I am here you little, ah well I won't tell you what I thought of her.

I finally decided to open my eyes slowly and carefully, all the while listening to Mary's squealy of disgust.

Ah, I had to remember to thank that insect.

I took a first look at my surroundings.

I felt myself pale quite a lot shades.

What I had taken to be a tree was in fact a blade of grass. I was freaking damn tiny!

I looked at my hands and found them to be different. I jumped up, only to sail through the air and flutter with wings I didn't even know myself to have! I could have cried. A closer look at my body was enough to confirm my worst fear:

I was a fairy! Not one of those cool Celtic fairies, mind you, a Peter Pan fairy! A damn butterfly-like, glittering fairy! _"Think of a name." _If I ever got the possibility to lay my hand on that Valar...

You see, _this_ is the second part of those circumstances. I am a goddamn freaking fairy, with glittering wings! That's embarrassing and undignifying. And right now I DO care!

However for now I have a duty to fulfill!

_Only in death does duty end._ To quote Warhammer 40k for once.

My duty is to keep the story safe. I have no idea of how to do that, right now. But I think I have to stick to Mary for that. To the lion's den then!

I flew to her. Well I tried. Annotation to myself: Learn to control those glittery wings!

After a few more tries I was able to control my movement enough to look at least not wholly drunken.

/_/_/_/

"Oh, I am so lohoooost! Where is my brave saviouuuuur?" Mary cried and sniffed.

It was quite a scene: She sat on a fallen tree in a, as always, ridiculously short skirt, a suiting top and 'cried'. Of course not one tear left her eyes, otherwise she would ruin her make up! How could you believe for one second that she would deliberately ruin her make up! Sorry, jesting.

So I flew to her, gulped and hated myself for saying: "Oh, you poor little thing! Did you get lost in the forest?" I told you already that I hated myself for this, didn't I? However I hated her far more for her reaction! After all, I tried to be nice!

And she swatted at me... Yupp she swatted at the nice little fairy. "Yuck! Another bug!"

I groaned and protested: "No, fair lady! I am a fairy!"

She screamed again: "HELP! A talking bug!" She jumped from her log and ran a few steps, then she turned around.

"Wait! Did you say 'fairy'?" I nodded consent and she beamed: "Great! I wish eternal beauty, Leggy as my boyfriend and-"

"No!" I cut her short "Not _that_ kind of fairy. You see, there are different sorts of fairies. There are fairies for wishing, the ones you assumed me to be one. Then there are, uhm" I stumbled over my own idea. "Uhm, advice fairies. They help you by talking to you and, well, giving advices. And then there are guiding fairies, they talk to you and show you the way and help you to get along with everything. You know? Local customs as well as directions and such! I am a fairy of the last kind."

She looked at me dumbfoundedly. I had lost her somewhere in that little speech. She blinked.

"I said _'I wish eternal beauty-'_"

"I don't grant wishes." I interrupted her again. Okay this time, I'll use words even _you_ understand, Mary! "I am here to guide those, whom I assigned to. To help them along. I don't have powers to grant wishes."

"Oh, that's a pity." She looked as if she'd cry now really. "But can you tell me then, where am I? And who are you?"

Dammit, two of the most dreaded questions at once. Dammit.

"Fair lady, might I ask, who you are, firstly? To confirm that you are the one, whom I am to guide." She sniffed again, then she straightened her shoulders and stuck her nose up.

"I am Mary Sue Trent and I am the most loved person, where I come from. But there are a lot of persons, envying me for my beauty and perfection."

Mary _Sue_? The thing had just gotten even more suiting and worse... I hated myself: "I am so pleased that you are Mary Sue, for I am to look out for you, fair lady!" I had to supress a shudder. Fair lady, my ass!

Her eyes lit up: "I know! Someone has to praise my beauty and perfection in my world as well as here. You see, I have a task to fulfill, you know? A Maya told me that! But where am I?"

I had a flash of intuition. We were in some forest surrounding Rivendell.

"Lady Mary Sue, you are near Rivendell. And I am" _think of a name, think of a name, think of a name, _"Belle!" I finally thought of name. As far as I can remember Peter Pan's fairy had been called Tinkerbell or something like that... so it rather suited.

"Rivendell? What is that?" _Composure, Lilian,err, Belle, ah no, Lilian, composure! _I reminded myself_  
_

"Rivendell, the Last Homely House East of the Sea, in Middle-Earth, Lady Mary Sue. Surely you have heard of Lord Elrond?" Of course you have no idea, Mary-Sue.

"Oooooh, I am truly in Middle-Earth?" I nodded "Of course I am. That was... just a test!" _Yupp and I am an orc..._

"But surely you mean Riverdale!" _Don't go spare! You are a little fairy now. Fairies don't tick off on their charges._ I actually managed to keep composure and smiled at her.

"No, milady, you are mistaken. It is called Rivendell, Imladris to the Elves." She gave me an odd look and then smiled dumbly.

"Of course I knew that! It was another test! Don't think I am merely beautiful, Belle, I am intelligenst as well!" _Ouch. Intelligenst? Try to learn grammar... _But I just smiled like a good, little fairy.

"Would you like to go there?" I had to ask her. I didn't even have any idea in which direction we had to go! _Helloooo? I'd like another flash of intuition! _Unfortunately no deity heard my silent complain in that moment.

"Yes! I want to go to Riverdale! Now take me there! You are supposed to help me, are you not?" She was full of herself once again. Oh how I wished to lay my hands around her throat and shake, right there and then.

_Hold a second! Can't I simply kill her off? I mean Death said her time was up and then there would be no problem to this world!_ I grinned at my idea. That would have been perfect.

There was a blinding flash_.  
_

/_/_/_/

Time had stopped. Mary unmoving was a rare scene.

Then that Valar appeared again and I groaned. Obviously I was not allowed to kill her off. Dammit!

"Why can't I just take her life and go home again?" I whined. Okay, maybe I would have had a bit of a problem to take a life just like that.

"It is simple: You can't destroy her life with brute force. That is something that was altered in her by Sauron." He explained.

"Rats! That's not fair!" My tone got even more whiny.

"It is the course of things. He wouldn't want his, you would call it 'secret weapon' to become destroyed." He smiled at me. I could have jumped at his throat as well...

_Wait! He said 'brute force' but..._

"You said 'brute force' cannot destroy her, but what is, if she 'accidentally'_, _just for instance, fell from a tree and broke her neck?" Hope! There's hope! _Maybe falling with a little help?_

"Possibly she could die from that, but it could as well alter the story, so don't try too hard to take her life. Just stick to protect the future."

"But, just assuming, if she went with the fellowship, fell in the Anduin and, what a pity, were unable to swim in the unfortunately too swift current?" My tone had gone from 'brilliant idea' to 'please, pretty, pretty please, tell me that that's okay!'.

"One of the fellowship could try to jump after her and try to save her. He could die in the progress as well, thus altering the outcome." There it goes. Farewell, my last hope! I sighed.

"Fine. But if she accidentally dies in the progress of something? Anything?" By now I pleaded.

"If accidentally something actually happens, that none would be able to alter and none would try, then you'd be free of your task. Free to go home with a solution to your little problem there." He seemed to have taken pity on me...

_Little problem? I think he got hit on the head too often! Being dead or an invalid is not a LITTLE problem! Even more so since he's responsible! Composure, Lil, Composure!_

"Okay, I'll look out for such unfortunate accidents. Just to help her around of course!" My voice dripped with sarcasm...

He gave me a stern glance before he waved his hands. He vanished and time went on.

/_/_/_/

She stared at me, seemingly expecting an answer to whatever.

"Are you good for nothing? You cannot grant wishes and cannot answer simple questions! Are you supposed to look after me?" _I hate that little_... errm yes. Better not telling you. I look around for an unfortunate little accident...

...but found none. I sighed "Yes, I have the honour to help you." I didn't add the 'dieing' that came as next word in my mind.

"Then take me to Riverdale!" she demanded, stomping her foot like an insolent child.

"I can show you the way, but I can't conjure you there." _Awww, poor Mary-Sue has to walk, awww!_ I had not one nice thought concerning her.

She huffed "You are truly good for nothing! Now I have to walk all the way?" I nodded. I wished direly for some earplugs...

I turned to a direction, not knowing, but somehow feeling, it to be the right way. "Would you come now, my lady?"

"Fine" she snapped and followed me.

/_/_/_/

H A T R E D!

Pure and simple hatred!

"Are we there, yet?" she whined for the about twentieth time! I had already stopped answering that. It should be obvious!

"These bushes ruin my clothes!" _Don't listen, Lilan._ I had no reservations about talking to myself.

"Yuk! There are twigs in my hair!" _Everything is going to be all right... as soon as there's a situation for a fatal accident..._

"I need a reeeeeeest!" she wailed. _Fine, okay, I just hope you get eaten by some orcs or trolls! Maybe I should bring her to the trollshaws! Ah no, no brute force..._

"You can rest as soon as we have found a suitable place for resting, my lady." It was just a nice proposure.

"Noooooo!" she wailed and dropped herself down with crossed arms "I am tired and hungry and thirsty!" I have a feeling that we had the thing with being an insolent child already...

"It is alright, my lady. I'll fly around and search for something to drink. Maybe you could catch a rabbit or look for some berries?" _Which are hopefully poisonous for humans? Please? _

"I don't eat meat! I am a vegetarian and how should I make out berries, that I can eat? Huh? Are you supposed to take care of me or I?" She did neither look nor sound pleased.

"But, my lady, you see, I am too small to bring you everything you need. You'll have to look for yourself and I'll guide you." I could at least try it.

"Noohooo! What do I care! You shouldn't be so lazy! Just fly a bit more often!" _That's it! I kill her myself!_

"I shall firstly search for some stream or well, so that you may satisfy your thirst." _Or maybe do me the favour and drown? Infants can drown in puddles and you have the comprehension of one. _

"Alright. Then finally do something!" she snapped. Glad to get away from her, I didn't even mind her.

I flew a bit away in a direction that, once again, felt right. Maybe this was one of those new 'powers' to which I had to grow used to...

However I found soon a small creek, drank a bit and remembered its position. Then I flew back to Mary's resting place.

She was picking at the twigs in her hair and clothes, all the while whining that her knight in shining armour hadn't appeared yet.

"Fairy! Why hasn't Leggy come yet? I know that girls, who get dropped into Middle-Earth and are beautiful and kind get saved by their heroes! Why hasn't he come yet?" she demanded as soon as she noticed me.

I chose the best solution I could come up with: "It takes time, my lady. And I have never heard about other girls being sent to Middle-Earth. But I am sure, they could never be as beautiful and" I had to force myself to continue "kind as you."

She giggled. Great. I had come as low as her brain-dead 'friends'. "Yes, I think you are right. None of them could be as great as me." She giggled again. "But now tell me, have you found a stream? I am starving!" Should I have told her that starving belonged to being hungry and the phrase she meant was 'parched'? No, as far as it concerned me, she could stay as dumb as ever.

"There's a small creek just over there." I told her and waved my hand in the direction.

It was a very easy and short way - for me as I could fly and was very tiny! Mary had her problems with the nonexistent path to the creek. Her hair would every few steps entangle itself in some shrubbery and she would have to stop again and again to entangle it.

Thus she normally whined all the time, but this time, this time it was music to my ears for it meant discomfort for poor, poor Mary. Yupp, I am mean. If you ask yourself whether that would trigger remorse, I can tell you that I had never felt any better! She treated me like she owned me and hence she got that bad. I could have searched for an easier path for her, but why should I? She would complain with a good path as well, and here she had at least reason to do so!

When we finally reached the creek, Mary drank greedily. I couldn't blame her for it, she must have been really thirsty, she wasn't used to do any physical work.

Then she dropped down and pulled her 'shoes' from her feet. Well, with those shoes I wouldn't like to walk through a forest. Open sandals with heels. I wondered how she had managed to get that far without breaking her feet...

"That's great." she sighed as she hung her feet into the cool water, hunger obviously forgotten. "Let us rest here." I wouldn't complain with that! I tell you flying is exhausting, if you aren't used to it!

I simply settled myself down against some blades of grass beneath a tree. And soon I drifted off to sleep.

/_/_/_/

Suddenly all hell broke loose!

I woke to Mary screaming once again and swiftly made notice of my surroundings.

I groaned.

Two, T W O orcs walked out of the thicket, seemingly not even noticing Mary. She could have easily stayed out of sight, not getting any problems, but she had to scream like someone tried to kill her off. Ehrrm, basically I'd do that any moment now, but nevermind. _Be invisible, Lilian, just be invisible! Come on, this fairy thing has to have some positive sides!_

At Mary's scream both orcs turned, of course, immediately to her.

"Look! Food!" one of them grunted. The other one followed the lead "Easy food!"

_Yay! Not long now and I am free! Yay! _I never said I was a nice person!

Another thought occurred to me. That had to be brute force, hadn't it? I groaned. There went my chance for freedom...

Mary simply continued screaming, but made no move to bring herself to safety.

"Fairyyy! Help!" she screamed at top of her lungs.

The orcs just looked bewildered at each other for a split second, before shrugging and continuing going for her.

Then she tried to **__****reason **with them: "You cannot kill and eat me! I am waiting for my brave saviour! And you wouldn't be able to lay a finger on me! I am a perfect beauty and I have a too kind soul to be touched by such ugly and rank creatures as you! Tell them, fairy!" Diplomatics were obviously not her strength ..

Still I knew that something would happen to save her. Most likely, the unlikely chance that 'Leggy' came to save her would happen. It's the 1 to 1 Billion chance. In such stories they always happen.

The approaching orcs were nearly on her, when she finally came into motion. She was still screaming, however now she also scrambled back to keep out of their reach.

_Maybe I should intervene? No. I am here to protect the storyline! Not to protect our little Mary-Sue! She'll have to wait for her 'brave saviour'... I am just a good for nothing fairy. _I could be moping, as well. Take that Sue!

In the very last moment before the orcs could do something to Mary, two arrows flew past and I groaned. Here it was, her brave saviour. Some poor lost soul, that would fall for her 'perfect beauty and kind soul' I just hoped it wasn't really 'Leggy'...

You see, I should never hope! For there must be some kind of entity called 'Destiny' or 'Fate', that simply and purely hates me, for whatever reason I do not care! I just know, I know it is that way! Whenever I hope the opposite seems to come true. I hope for a good exam and it is at its best mediocre. I hope for Mary-Sue to turn around and she comes straight at me.

I hope it is not Legolas and, guess, who walks in on our position?

Part three of our hated circumstances...

* * *

Hehe, that's it for now again. I hope you like it. Just leave a quick note, whether to continue or not, please. =)


	3. Chapter 3

I hope you didn't miss me. :D And thanks to stabbythings and fireamber for reviewing =)

Disclaimer: Uhm, still alive, still no genius, still female that still equals I don't own a thing.

* * *

Now, I think you cannot get why Legolas was part three of my hated circumstances.

He himself was not the problem, however Mary being a Mary-Sue was it.

I am still unable to comprehend, how a hundreds of years old elvish prince and warrior can fall for a stupid teenage girl! But that was exactly the problem.

The moment 'Leggy' saw Mary for the first time was a scene that is going to haunt me for the rest of my wretched life. I think I'll have a trauma of that forever.

Oh, you want to know what happened? Believe me you do not want! However I'm still going to tell you!

/_/_/_/

So a blond elf appeared out of a tree. And I cursed fate, destiny and whatever deity, that would listen to me.

He glanced at a quite horrified Mary and immediately all signs of brain left his eyes. They held now only a look of dumb infatuation. How can one become infatuated by _Mary_?

"My lady, are you hurt?" he asked, his voice hinting at severe brain-damage as well. _Males..._

Mary sprung to her still shoeless feet and on a rather large rock. That caused her to fall flat on her backside again. Being a nice little fairy, still invisible though, I stifled my laughter as good as possible.

Her earlier saviour jumped to action again and raced to her to help her up. I wondered, whether I should take pity on the poor fool. _Well, I have to, have I not? I mean it's my duty to serve and protect the storyline and characters._

Mary batted her eyelids at the elf_. _"I thank you for your concern, but I am unhurt. Thanks to you, my saviour." _Lil, do not puke. It doesn't suit a fairy! _Mary_'_s way of behaviour simply dripped with falseness and everyone with half a brain could see that.

She gladly accepted his hand and he hauled her up, staring at her. Men and elves are just alike when it comes to women_. Maybe I should intervene now._

Still invisible I flew at the two of them. "A beautiful lady as you shouldn't be travelling all alone in these dark times." Ooh, so our little elf-boy still had enough grey matter to form a longer sentence! Mary immediately sprung to that and giggled, making ready to kiss him.

I collected all strength this little fairy body contained and smacked him on the forehead. Afterwards my hand hurt... Thick-headed elf!

I had a distinct feeling, that I would have to do that more often. And to different persons for whatever stupidity they'd do.

He looked around, obviously surprised. Coming back to his senses by that, he made a quick step away from Mary, who lost her balance because of leaning too much forward.

I flew behind Mary and wanted to be visible again. It took only a few moments.

"There you are, lady Mary!" I cried out "I searched already for you!" Normally I was a bad liar, but concerning her, well there were no problems at all...

The elf stared at me. If he had lost his senses because of me, too, I would have screamed. She was the Mary-Sue! Not me! Fortunately, fortune was one my side for once and he was simply bewildered.

"Hey, fairy! Where were you? There were those ugly thingies! They tried to eat me!" she complained and accused me. I did not mind her, but flew up to her and sat down on her shoulder.

"I apologize for not coming earlier!" _For I was there all the time! _"But I searched for food! Alas! I couldn't find anything edible for humans." If I had to keep that appearance up for long, I would go insane...

The elf still stared at the two of us. "Oh, a pity. But look there's my saviour." Oh, Suey, I could have killed you...

I looked at the elf, demanding: "Who are you?" He blinked once, twice.

"I am Legolas, son of -" he was cut short by Mary's squealing. As I thought of the situation again, I asked myself, whether it would have been better to be an invalid in my own world, than having to babysit a Sue, which I simply could _not_ kill off!

When I had thought _I_ was getting deaf by Mary's squealing, I hadn't even thought of Legolas! He covered his ears with his hands and still grimaced as if in great pain.

Take that, superior elven hearing! Ahm, he deserved that! For falling for Mary!

When Mary finally stopped squealing, she was hyperventilating. I hoped direly for her to suffocate!

That stupid bitch called fate had, as always, different plans:

"Calm yourself, my lady! You need to breath!" Always the helpful saviour, what 'Leggy'? I wondered, what he would have to say about that disparagement of his name.

Slowly I could make words out of Mary's hyperventilating. She went "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod..." You get it.

Legolas glanced at us horrified, before asking: "Is she alright?" I looked sideways at Mary, before I nodded: "It's her kind of behaviour, my lord."

"Oh." Hadn't thought that in your first infatuation, what Legolas? He backed a few steps away. Weee! He had his brains back! I'd do that as well, if I were him, only faster and further!

_Do I have to bring her to Rivendell? Or cas I lead her away? Somewhere far off, where none would notice her and her timely death?_

I waited for time to stop. Last time I had thoughts regarding Mary's death, I had been told that it was a no-go.

However nothing happened this time. Damn Valar.

A rabbit appeared out of the thicket. _Dammit_,_ more sue-ism!_ However it took a look at Mary and, instead of doing what one would expect when travelling with a Mary-Sue, it turned around and fled as fast as it could. _Hey Mirkwood-prince! Even that rabbit is more intelligent than you!_ I grinned.

Mary finally regained her breath. She batted her eyelids at Legolas and giggled insane. I'd stuff her in Bedlam Asylum...

"You know, you are so totally hawt!"

At this my eyes went big as saucers. She didn't really tell him that he was 'hawt', did she? There's a rather suiting line in a Scar Symmetry song: 'Terror can be read in my face/ I keep forgetting that there is nothing to fear." However Mary went on:

"And that dumb Lilian was so totally wrong!"

_With what am I wrong? What have I said, the last time she claimed 'Leggy' to be 'hawt'? Oh, yeah, right... However I am here to prevent that from happening! Ha! Mary I'll be right, you'll see._

Legolas backed further away, rather obviously confused: "I don't understand." _Of course, you don't, elf, it's the curse of the Sues! _

"You don't have to." she giggled insane and threw herself into his arms. Surprised he caught her and she mistook it for, what would she say? 'true love'. So she leaned forward once again and kissed him. He never had the time to react, poor lost soul._.._

_Oh, no! Poor me! _He had once again that look of severe brain-damage in his eyes and somehow I knew, that it wouldn't be as easy as last time to break the spell. So I had to deal with the most annoying Mary-Sue Mary Sue and the infatuated zombie-like elven prince Legolas.

_Why did I not decline? Nothing can possibly be worse than this! Hey, Valar, I quit this shit!_

Yay! Finally a blinding flash of light!

/_/_/_/

"You cannot quit." That was mean! He forbid it even before I had uttered a word!

"Fine! But I won't do a thing, until you tell me a bit more about these 'powers' you spoke of! And just for the record, I HATE THIS BLOODY FREAKING FAIRY BODY! It's weak, it's tiny, it's _glittering_!" I snapped and I swear, if I hadn't been a tiny fairy, I would have ripped Valar's head off. Disregarding the fact that he's some deity...

He looked at me as if _I_ had gone insane! He wrinkled his brow: "I thought, girls _like _glitter?"

That was it. I went spare! But before I describe what I did, I want to plead for clemency!

I had to be nice to Mary, had to take care of her and a at its best half-witted elven prince and _then_ I get told that 'girls like glitter'. I simply was at then end of my tether.

I launched my tiny fairy body with 'full speed' - not very fast, mind you - at the Valar and started hitting him with tiny hands. All the while screaming bloody murder.

He didn't even flinch. That was really frustrating...

The Valar pinched my wings with two fingers and held me at arm's length. I dropped my head and sighed. I hated being a fairy...

"Do you think, that such a fit would convince me of your ability to use your new powers in a right way?" he asked me, his tone sounding just like a teacher, explaining something for the billionth time.

"What do I care? I do glitter!" I sulked and complained "I want to go home! And I want to have my body back! It wasn't perfect, but it was mine and I loved all its flaws!" I wriggled wildly, trying to free myself.

He didn't let me go, but rubbed his temples with his free hand. Maybe if I continued sulking and complaining until he had a full migraine, he'd allow me to go home and would take care of Mary himself! It was worth a try!

"Do you know, how annoying it is to be too small to strangle Mary? I know about the brute force part, I am not senile! But why couldn't she be stabbed by one of those orcs? They are Sauron's minions! They should be able to kill her off! And mmpf!"

Okay, I was now at a point, where I did no longer hate only Mary, but that Valar as well. Up to now, I had just thought him to be a serious pain in the ass. But now - HATE!

Why? That guy silenced me by putting his thumb over my mouth! I was tiny enough to be silenced by a _thumb_! I just hoped I got out there soon. Otherwise I wouldn't guarantee for anything!

"Be silent!" the Valar hissed. Great! I got him annoyed! Mental Lilian, the victory dance please! Eh, considering his glare, I reconsidered and told little mental Lilian to do nothing...

Okay, note to myself, an annoyed Valar is a terrifying Valar, maybe I should have kept silent. Eh, help!

"You are here to protect the 'storyline', as you call it, and to see to it that the persons behave as they should! If you don't do that, you won't get back. If you don't do that, this world will descend into chaos. If you don't do that, you will feel my wrath coming upon you! Did I make myself clear?"

Okay, I was frightened! I just wanted to gather myself and run away. I admitted defeat to myself. What kind of chance would I have stood against the full wrath of a Valar?

He thundered again: "Did I make myself clear, _fairy_?" I didn't even think about complaining, but simply nodded. "Good, child. Up to now I was very lenient with you, but from now on, you better started fulfilling your task. I am rather sure, that Mary is going to travel with Thranduil's son to Imladris and from there on with the fellowship, that is to come. You will see to it, that nothing unplanned happens and if it happens you will see to it that it doesn't wreck havoc." I nodded again, left speechless and terrified.

He continued: "However, you have a point with knowing your abilities. As you already found out yourself you can fly and make yourself invisible. Concerning invisibility there is something you should know: Powerful beings can see you even when you changed into invisibility. Try to guess what I mean with powerful beings." I was very relieved, for he changed from being terrifying again into being more like a teacher. _Powerful beings_, I thought, _what could he mean?... Of course!_

"I think, powerful beings would be Mithrandir, Lord Elrond, Lady Galadriel, uhm..." I stopped, looking at the Valar full of expectation. And he nodded.

"Exactly, however there are more. Beings like the Nagzûl can see you as well. And as you said Mithrandir, every Istari is able to do the same."

Okay, that meant no flying up to Saruman and annoy him a wee bit without getting noticed.

He still went on: "I wouldn't recommend you either to try and 'annoy' Sauron, but you should know that he can't be fooled with such easy tricks. That should be enough concerning invisibility."

Great, I had hoped to get to know about more of those abilities. I think one could see my disappointment rather well. Now the Valar smiled at me and I was confused. Hadn't he been angry with me mere... seconds? - that was hard to tell for time had stopped - ago?

"Don't be disappointed, I will tell you more about your newfound powers. You can break spells, such as the one infatuating the Mirkwood prince, right now." I beamed. So I _could _do something about that aside from slapping.

"Don't be too happy about that, though. It is very tiring, especially the first few times, for you are not used to do so." I nodded eagerly. What did I care about a bit tiring? I could keep Mary from messing everything up a lot better that way! "It might take time until you are able to dispell infatuation. Just try it and if there is no effect, try it again and again. That is all I will tell you, for now."

That was more than enough. I could break spells!

"Thank you, er, well, ' one of the Valar'! I promise to try and do a good job! And I will work on dispelling!" I was still beaming. That was simply great!

The Valar shook his head, waved his hands, once again, and time went on.

/_/_/_/

_Okay, then let's try that dispelling thing! I hope I find out how to do that rather soon__..._

Where had we been, before - I am just going to call him 'Valar' not very creative, huh? But suiting!- Valar stopped time? Uhm, I think Mary had kissed Legolas, thus making him loose his wits. Great.

They stood facing each other, holding their hands in between them. That reminded me a lot of one of the scenes between Arwen and Aragorn, only that their lovestory was right and correct and belonged to the storyline and Mary's did not!

I concentrated on dissolving Legolas' infatuation.

He blinked, once, twice. Lucidity returned into his eyes.

For a split second. Then he fell again under Mary's spell.

I groaned and yawned. _Damn, Valar was right. Far too much tiring, even though it didn't work. _

"Maybe we should continue our way to Rivendell, lady Mary?" I asked loudly.

Both of them jerked and because they stood too close together, they banged their heads against each other. I did my best to stifle a broad grin and in my head I heard Valar laugh. Great, now I had a mental link to him. _Why me?_

Mary seemed to be rather bewildered and surprised, as well as Legolas. Both blinked a lot and rubbed their heads.

It took a while before Mary had regained enough of her comprehension to talk. "Oh, ahm, err..." Or maybe she hadn't... "Ahh..." _Come on, Mary, I know you can do it!_ "Eh, what?" _Oh, the eloquence! So much intelligence! I feel so dumb compared to her. _You get, that my thoughts were sarcastic?

"My lady, I asked, whether we should continue our way to Rivendell." Out of nowhere the 'Darth Vader' track popped into my mind. Maybe it was, because I had a feeling of impending doom...

"You are travelling to Rivendell?" Brain-dead number two aka Legolas asked. Maybe I shouldn't be too hard on him, it was not his fault, that he got infatuated! It's the curse of the Sue, I tell you!

Our beloved little Mary jumped into acting: "Yes! But we got lost in this dark and creepy forest!" _Hell, if you think **this **is dark and creepy, you should never visit the woodland realm of you 'eternally beloved'! _"Where are you headed, my love?"

If I had eaten anything, while being in this body, I would have retched at about now. No, maybe I would have done so earlier, however 'my love'? She had met the prince of Mirkwood approximately five minutes ago and called him 'my love'? And he didn't do a thing? Life sucks!

"It is as if destiny brought us together" he cried out and I could have hit him. "I am travelling to Rivendell as well! I would be honoured to keep your company, my lady!"

I think I had been right with impending doom... _Destiny, there is one thing I know about destiny! He/she/it hates me!_

I sighed and sat myself on Mary's shoulder. I wouldn't go as far to hijack the prince of Mirkwood as my carrier. He's a prince after all! It's just the wee bit of respect he gets.

I concentrated again on breaking the spell, but this time Legolas didn't even blink. And I fell asleep on Mary's shoulder and my last thought was: _Bugger!_

/_/_/_/

I think I am going to spare you a few details. I do not want you to loose your breakfast, lunch or dinner. All I tell you is, that they were ahem flirting...

If only that damn dispelling would work! But no...

Mary was sitting on his horse and he gave her a half-witted smile all the time.

To do so, he had to look back. Thus the graceful elven prince stumbled over many, many roots and ran against the one or another tree.

Our beloved lady on the other hand, just sat on the horse, grinning all the time with an occasional giggle and thrown kiss to her 'love'.

I sighed. It would indeed be a very, very long way to Rivendell.

I chose to simply sit and wait. What else could I have done?

After quite a while I couldn't watch Legolas running against trees any longer and decided to try that dispelling thing again.

I concentrated, imagined a bond of some sorts and imagined cutting and dissolving it.

Absolutely naught happened.

_Why can't this simply work? Am I doing something wrong? Well, Valar never told me how to do it, he just told me that I could... That means trying, trying, trying... At least Mary is silent. Silence..._

I smiled peacefully. I tell you, silence is a great thing, something you would kill for, if you have been with Mary for a few hours.

All that complaining, giggling, being theatrical and being brain-dead is one hell of a lot of annoyance!

"Are we there yet?" _There it goes, my peaceful silence, Mary's back..._

"No, milady, it will be a way of one more day." Well, maybe Legolas still had a few of his brain cells left, otherwise he wouldn't have known that. So not everything was lost!

With these thoughts I started humming Mercenary's 'World Hate Center' to myself and allowed myself to enjoy the beautiful sight of the forest.

* * *

That's all folks! For now. I am threatening you with my return! If you don't want me to continue, just leave a quick note =) If you want me to continue, do the very same :D

Byebye!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Though I don't believe you to be senile: I own nothing!

* * *

Well, as you can guess, our way to Rivendell - or Riverdale, as Mary still insisted whenever trying to speak the name - was rather uneventful.

Except, when you count a woodelf running in trees eventful...

To me it was really boring and annoying, though.

Geez, I tell you somewhere even the pun wood-elf against tree gets boring. And Mary didn't add to my comfort by chattering all the time about, well I'll just give you an excerpt...

Ahm, what was the last thing I wrote again? Ah, yes, right.

/_/_/_/

"Are we there yet?" Mary whined "I'm booored and I don't want to sit on this horse any longer! And I want to wash my hair, it's greasy and that's so definitely yuck!"

If the, ahem, _graceful_ elven prince was at least there, with his mind I mean, not just a stumbling, dumbly smiling and infatuated shell, to share the burden of entertaining Mary! But no, he had to be infatuated without hope to be dispelled soon. I simply was unable to get the hang of it!

"I must change my clothing! I have worn that for, like, more than five hours! That must be so totally out of style now!" _Remember, Lil, you cannot simply take one of those nice elven knives and plunge it into Mary - over and over again! So be a good little fairy and try to get away from her, putting forward something, a nice little fairy has to do. Whatever could that be?_

"You see, when one is as beautiful as me, one just has to change their clothing constantly, otherwise it wouldn't underline my beauty in such a perfect way. But I think you know that." she simply stated, while I did not know, whether she was speaking with 'her love' or the 'good for nothing fairy'_. _Not that I did mind much, I just wished direly for a pair of earplugs!

I could feel a headache creeping up my neck to bite into the back of my head, because of Mary's irrelevant chatter. I tell you _this _is torment! No matter what anyone ever threatened to do to me, _this _was most likely ten times - at least - worse!

"You don't have to worry about such things, you're just a fairy, and yuck! You have been wearing these clothes ever since we met, that's so unkewl! Am I right, my love?"

Okay, enough was enough. "I might remind you" I started "that you have been wearing the very same clothes as well."

I admit, I shouldn't have done that! I should have thought about her reaction _before _doing such a thing.

For now she shrieked. An ear-splitting, resounding - by the way! How could there be an echo in a forest? I guessed it had something to do with sueism... - shriek, that made shivers run up and down my spine.

"Oh my god!" she shrieked "you are right! I have to get out of these clothing! Where is the next shopping mall?"

I hung my head and made a motion, as if putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. Bam.

"I must get new clothes! Immediately!" _As if her life depended on it. Wait! Maybe it does and she dies of, errr, nonus gettus newus clothii? Err... I should stop keeping constant company with Mary. I'm getting as dumb as her..._

/_/_/_/

As I had hung my head, I had failed to notice a change in Legolas. So, when I looked up again, I was surprised to see a bewildered elven prince instead of a dumbly smiling one.

Great! Maybe that was the way to dispel the curse of the Sue! Get her to shriek and all spells will dissipate. But no, Valar had said, it would be tiring and I still felt quite well and awake. Not even a tiny little bit tired... Dammit!

His mind, however, seemed to have not returned completely, at least yet. "Where am I?" he asked, looking around, as if he had never seen these trees. Odd, since he had met quite a few of them rather ... closely...

Mary was now surprised as well. "Why you are in company of me and travelling to Riverdale, my love." She batted her eyelids towards him "Don't you remember?"

He jumped back - and I enjoyed the show.

His grey matter jumping into action, Legolas reached for his knives. I would have advised him to take to bow, simply to keep Mary at a greater distance. He eyed her suspiciously, while she jumped more or _less_ gracefully from his horse.

"Who are you, and why do you call me 'my love'?" By now Mary tried to gain ground on him. That was answered by Legolas sheathed his knives again and aimed at Mary with his bow.

"But we fell in love! Just half an hour ago!" _Aww, poor Mary _"And, and, and we pledged eternal love! You must remember!"

I weren't able to remember, whether they had truly 'pledged eternal love' or Mary had made that part up. Well, I would just enjoy the show, as long as I was not involved. Oh, no! I had, once again, - am I truly that dumb? To forget such an important fact all the time? - forgotten that fate, destiny, or rather doom, hated me.

Plain silence rang through the forest. Maybe doom hadn't heard me?

Oh, you are wondering how silence can ring? Well, a forest is never really silent. There are birds, singing their songs, the wind rustling in the leaves, you get the idea. But right now everything was silent, as if on an unheard command. Waiting for the elven prince's reaction.

As Legolas just blinked a few times and stared in horror at Mary, most likely asking himself, what kind of _thing _had attached itself to him, Mary continued.

"Faiiryyyy! Tell him! You have been there as well! Tell him, that we are eternally in love with each other!" If I got a penny for every time Mary whined and/or complained, I would be richer than Bill Gates...

Our perceptive elf noticed me now for the first time, since he had been infatuated - again. You do remember the first time? It had been on first glance, afterwards I had slapped him?

"What are you?" I stayed silent for some moments, trying to decide, whether that question was directed towards me or towards Mary. It would suit both of us...

I decided he had meant me. "I am a fairy and I am here to help." _Mary still believes I was here to help her. But I am here to help you, your friends-to-be and the storyline. _I didn't say the last two sentences, I only thought them.

"Fairy!" Mary insisted "tell him!" _Oh, yeah, right, as if I could ever forget..._

"Prince Legolas, it is true, that you allowed her to call you 'my love' before."

At this his jaw dropped in a very undignified and unelfish manner. _Prepare for what is to come!_

"And you kissed each other."

Now Legolas' eyes were as big as saucers, his jaw threatened to fall to the floor, his bow no longer aimed at our beloved lady, instead it hung loosely in his hands, which were attached to limp arms. And Mary, Mary giggled and batted her eyelids. _Mary, I'm NOT finished! _

"However I do _not _know, whether you pledged each other eternal love, for I have been asleep some time."

The elf let go of his breath, obviously relieved, and Mary complained.

"Of course we did! Fairy! You have to remember that! Same goes for you, hottie!" More than ever she sounded like a petulant child, robbed of its lolly...

I facepalmed myself. How could she call the prince of Mirkwood 'hottie'? I just had to be ashamed for her. Even being of the same species was a disgrace. Wait! For the first time I was glad to be a fairy. I was NOT of her species, I was NOT human, I WAS a fairy! _Little mental Lilian, you finally get to do the victory dance!_ Ehm, please do not regard me as insane...

Oh, you surely want to know about 'hottie's' reaction. Well, actually I have to admit, that I'm at a loss of words to describe that.

If this was a comic, his jaw would have hit the floor and his eyes sprung out of their sockets. As this was not comic, his expression did not change much in comparison to that of the former tale of pledged love. Instead of continuing slowly advancing backwards, he made a giant leap and was lucky not to relive his former experiences with the trees.

"What's wrong with you, love?" Mary simply had no sensitiveness and did not notice that she did exactly the wrong thing by trying to persuade 'hottie' - by then I could simply snicker about that name - that he was so totally and absolutely in love with her. It was just bad luck for her that he didn't even seem to remember her name...

Legolas finally seemed to have regained his wits and composure, for now he brought his bow again up against Mary. _Come on, let go of the arrow! I know you want to shoot her, just do it! Maybe she can be killed by brute force, otherwise we will just declare that as an 'unfortunate hunting accident' or something along those lines! Than it should do, after all it would be an accident! _

I dared to cross two fingers and wish for Mary to make a stupid movement.

"What kind of creature are you?" he hissed, this time obviously addressing my best fiend. And, yupp, I meant fiend. Not - N O T - f**_r_**iend!

"Why, I'm the fairest and beautifulst lady in this and any other realm!" she stuck her nose up, as always when talking about her own perfectness. It had been long since I had decided against spotting grammar mistakes...

"You won't bewitch me again, creature of Sauron!" _According to my friend the Valar he's perfectly right. Though she's not really made by Sauron, she got sent here by him. That's good enough for me to not intervene with that..._

"Creature of Sauron?" she gasped and fainted. A nice way to steal out of responsibility.

/_/_/_/

I sighed loudly, thus gaining the elven prince's attention.

"You are rather right with that Sauron thing, my lord. And the name of those creatures is _Mary-Sue_."

At this I waited for the typical horror film like thunder rolling or echo resounding. Since none of that came, I chose to simply continue, though he eyed me suspiciously.

"Do you want to hear more of good old truth or shall I make up a totally horrid background story of a tragic past of Mary? That's her name by the way. Mary Sue. Just like the labelling of those creatures."

He hesitated for a second, maybe he was confused by the Mary-Sue, Mary Sue thing.

"Tell me truth and your name, fairy." he demanded, while moving over to his horse.

"Okay." He looked at me, as if he didn't know the word and I sighed. "Fine. I hope you can stand truth!" I muttered, hastily adding a "My lord".

"I am Lilian, in Mary's and my world at least. Here I called myself 'Belle', wherever that horrible name came from. Oh, and please, call me Belle while Mary is around, my lord. It has to do with her likeliness to wreak havoc and my job to clean the mess after her."

While I spoke, Legolas stopped in his motions and stared at me. That could not be good.

"Please, continue doing whatever you wanted to do, and do so quickly, I fear Mary will wake up soon. Second thing, you wanted to be told truth, so don't complain now..., my lord..." I was annoyed, because of Mary and because of Legoals as well.

Then he nodded and fished a rope out of the saddlebags. I did not care much for that, if he tried to get me, I'd get invisible.

"Well, the world Mary and I came from is called 'Earth'. On Earth there are horrible stories with basically the very same 'plot' and characters that are as different as one dust particle to another, when looked over. They are called Mary-Sues and it's the same thing all the time: A perfect girl gets dropped to another reality, everyone there likes or falls in love with her, because of her perfectness and beauty, she marries her personal favourite hero and most of the time they had horrible families and tragic backgrounds, like, hmm. 'I lost my parents at a very early age and got adopted by so mean foster-parents, they won't get me all the make up I want and such and they were so mean and unfair!' or 'Everyone envied my beauty and perfectness, so everyone hated me and I was so lonely' eh you get the thing, don't you, my lord?"

I had not looked to much at Legolas, while talking. Thus I noticed only after I finished, that he had bound Mary's hands behind her back. _Yes! _I thought. _She deserved that! Hehe I just hope he will gag her as well otherwise she would complain too much._

Now, however, he looked directly at me, frowning and repeating: "So Mary-Sues are made up persons? How come she is here now? And what about you? Are you a Mary-Sue, too?"

"Curious as a hobbit, huh? Okay, yes, Mary-Sues are made up persons. And I hope I'm no Mary-Sue. Then let's mpve on, since you understood the principle of Mary-Sues. Your arch-enemy somehow gained knowledge of Earth and thought getting a Mary-Sue to mess up with Middle-Earth's last hope would increase his chances to win, greatly."

I thought it would be better not to tell him about Mary's and my knowledge of the whole quest, he had not even accepted to go on.

I waited, giving the elven prince the chance to let the newly gained knowledge sink in. It took quite a bit until he told me to go on.

"Mary got killed in an accident and so Sauron took his chance to drag her to Middle-Earth by what power I do not know. Uhm, you have seen your share of _the curse of the Sue_"

_Slowly I start to hate this forest! Mary gets her special effects, but I don't!_

His frown deepened "What do you mean by that? My share of her curse?"

I laughed nervously and fidgeted with my hands. "Eh, as I said before you kissed each other. It's part of her curse. She infatuated you and well. I have no idea of how to tell you that in a nice and careful way, so we will do this the direct way: You are her hero."

He tried to stifle a gasp, glanced at me, then at the miraculously still fainted Mary. Maybe she waited for her prince to kiss her awake. It would be perfect, she would deprive and starve, before that happened, now the spell was gone!

"It seems I cannot hope to change that. So please do continue, lady Lilian." Now it was my turn to stifle something, only I had to stifle a laughter.

"Please! I am a fairy not a lady! Even if I had my normal shape, I would decline the 'lady' thing! However, uhm, where did I stop, my lord?" I laughed nervously. Again.

"You said that Sauron dragged your friend..." I had cut a Valar off at that! I certainly would not stop now at an elven prince!

"That thing is not my friend! Get it?" He was taken aback a bit and I sighed. "Sorry, but when I do not let a Valar get away with that, you certainly won't do that as well. Just continue, please?"

He shook his head, but continued nonetheless "The Mary-Sue got dragged here by Sauron, how did you end up here then?"

"Good!" I exclaimed and fluttered around a little "You are suspicious again!" He glanced sharply at me. "Sorry, I did not intend to get side-tracked. Ahm. As I said Mary got killed in an accident and I got myself in the same mess, trying to help her. Well, I died as well, however Death and a Valar argued a bit about me. Death was angry at the Valar for getting me killed, since I was not supposed to. But the Valar insisted on sending me here to take care of Mary." I thrust my hand in the air and cried angrily out "To tell truth: He blackmailed me!"

Now it was Legolas' turn to get angry: "A Valar would never get anyone killed! Neither would one of them blackmail anyone! You said you would tell me truth, so do it now!"

I groaned "It IS truth! Well, about the dead-thing I'm not overly sure. He told me, if I took care of Sue, I would not die and would not be an invalid. Eh, yes, I'd surely be an invalid after such an accident, if I survived at all, given normal circumstances. That's how he blackmailed me. I had the choice between taking care of Mary and having to rely on other for everything, even going to the privy!"

"I do not trust you." A simple statement of his side, that's fine with me.

"You don't have to. I'm rather sure, if I were you, I wouldn't trust me - eh, me me not me being you - as well. But it would be best, if you sided with me for the time being. Uhm, just wondering, do you still want to take her with you to Imladris?"

"How can you know of Imladris as a name for Rivendell? And when did I say, I'd take her with me?" His hand shot forward, grasping me tightly and bringing me close to his face. He terrified me then nearly as much as Valar had done. Still I tried to get out of his hand.

"Second question firstly! You said so, when she had you under her spell! First question, that Valar gave me vast knowledge about Middle-Earth in order that I may be able to keep Mary from making too much trouble!"

"I can't see how I could trust you. For all I know you could be as well a spy of Sauron as her." He pointed to Mary. _Geez, when does this lazy brat get her butt up again? _d

"Uhm, I know about no way that could prove that I am not like her! I just know that I give not even a piece of shit to wearing clothing no longer than five hours. And I don't care about my hair getting greasy or my hairstyle ruined. And I am certainly not in love with anyone I have never even met! Unlike you, I might add!"

Once I had freed my armes from his grasp, I crossed them and sulked.

My captor was unfortunately not that easily distracted: "So you tell me, that you are from a different world. One sent by Sauron, the other sent by a Valar. How can I be sure that you are not both sent by Sauron or that you are not the one who got sent by him?"

"Easy enough!" I cried out "I did NOT try to infatuate you! I DID however try to dissolve that infatuation! I'm trying to get you to behave as yourself, not as one of her brain-dead zombie friends!" Another thought sprang to my mind. "Wake her! Wake her and ask her about Lilian! She's going to tell you that Lilian is some odd nerd, reading all the time voluntarily, not caring about style and having stolen her boyfriend-to-be named Jack - err, she calls him still Jonathan - from her. Uhm, she believes to have a crush on him since about two years, but he always turned her away for being what she is: Annoying."

He narrowed his eyes at my rambling: "And what shall that nonsense proof?"

I froze. He was right. I could have said truth about that thing and lied about everything else, if she answered as I foretold.

"Uhm, never mind." I finally sighed. "I give it up. There's no way to proof that I am speaking truth. So either you believe or you do not. It is up to you, son of Thranduil."

He gave me a last sharp look and let go of me. "Thank you, you will see you did the right thing." I told him, before getting myself seated on his shoulder. _Oh, now I hijacked the prince of Mirkwood after all. _

Just now, Mary gasped loudly and reawoke from her self-induced unconciousness. I had no idea how she had done that. But I had a faint idea that a certain Valar had decided to give a helpful hand again by keeping her in that state long enough to give me the possibility to explain the situation to Legolas.

I grinned for a second, until Mary realised she was bound.

* * *

Teehee, sorry to leave you with that for about a week.

I'm going to be away from tomorrow on (Wednesday) until Sunday, without having access to a computer, and afterwards the next chapter needs firstly to be written. So please excuse me for that time.


	5. Chapter 5

Finally it goes on! They are still trying to get to Rivendell, but they shall reach it in chapter six, so hold on :D

I'm horribly sorry that it took me that long to get this chapter finished, but I'm having my share of problems these days, so please forgive me.

Once again: THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you who review =) I really appreciate it and I'm glad you take the time to give me a feedback =)

Disclaimer: I wish I didn't own Mary *weeps* and I wish I did own LOTR, however I'm still alive and still female so yeah. However I do own Lilian! :D

* * *

If I had thought Mary's screech had been horrible, when I had told her, that she had worn the same clothes for a few hours - what a drama! - I had been wrong...

The scream she let go, would make a Nazgûl turn on his heels and flee...

I was really glad, that I had just a normal human hearing. Now that I think of it, maybe I should have pitied the elven prince.

His hands flew up to his ears with the speed of light, or very close to it at least, and he grimaced, once again, as if in serious pain. Even our friend Valar, with whom I obviously still shared some kind of mental link, cringed away. I think, in that moment he would have loved to kill Mary off himself...

_'Fine,' _I heard him say in my head _'That's unbearable! I grant you the power to put people to sleep! Just touch her forehead and think of her sleeping.'_

And with that I felt the link dissipating. Cowardish Valar! Monty Python's 'Brave Sir Robin' came suddenly to my mind...

For all of you, who have no idea what that is, there are a few lines, that I can actually remember:

"_Brave Sir Robin ran away. _  
_Bravely ran away away. _  
_When danger reared it's ugly head, _  
_He bravely turned his tail and fled. _  
_Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about _  
_And gallantly he chickened out._"

Er, yes, you get it, don't you?

Anyways, where were we?... Oh, yeah.

Valar broke the mental link and left my mind alone. Whew, finally!

"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! HELP! HEEEELP!" Mary screamed, while simply lying around, unmoving.

_Okay, you **could **get the idea to try and get free. Oh my, what am I thinking? You could break a nail in the process of doing so! Sheesh! How can one person alone and without a microphone or megaphone make so loud noises and so long?_

While thinking this and being annoyed, I flew over to where she still lay and continued to scream for help. I slapped her forehead and shouted in her face:

"Sleep!"

Mary blinked at me once. Twice. Thrice. Then she uttered a low: "Huuuuh?"

Now **I **blinked at her. _Are you too dumb to be put to... Oh..._

It dawned on me...

Where there's no mind, no conciousness can be put to sleep... I had a problem_. _A serious problem.

"Oh, c'mon, Mary!" I said, being on the very brink of despair.

Then I had an idea. I was **baby**sitting her!

"Close your eyes, Mary, time to go to beddybyes." I said in a singsong voice, as if talking to a toddler.

She blinked again. Was she even too dumb for that niveau?

Then it hit her! For a second there was recognition in her eyes, then she was fast asleep.

"Whew! That was some noise!" I blew out, glancing over to Legolas.

The proud elven prince was a picture of misery...

He sat on the ground with his back against a tree, head on his knees and hands pressed firmly on his ears.

_Great... Just great..._

I flew over to where he sat, tapped on his shoulder and cleared my throat_._

"Er, Legolas?"

Suspiciously he raised his head and looked at me.

"It's alright, she's slient for now. She's asleep."

He still eyed me carefully, but lifted one hand a little from his ear.

Then his face brightened considerably and he asked "How did you do that?"

Now I was dumbfounded.

_Shall I tell him, or shall I not? I mean, if I tell him that Valar gave me some powers he'll just get more suspicious of me than he is already. And then he could decide on killing me off! And then I can't babysit Mary! And then she'll mess everything up! And then Sauron will take Middle-Earth over! And I will get sent back and be an invalid! But if I do not tell him he'll be suspicious as well! And he'll think I'm in league with Sauron! And he'll kill me off! And then I can't...  
_

I was brought out of my thoughts and hyperventilating by Legolas. He had grasped me once again and shook me a little.

"Fairy! Tell me, how did you do that!" he demanded.

"I... uhm, well I... You see, I, er... That Valar..." I broke off, realising that I was just rambling some nonsense, and offered an apologetical, despairing smile. Then I hung my head and uttered:

"Sorry."

I took a very deep breath.

Then another one.

And yet again another and cleared my throat again.

"I'm waiting, fairy!" He gazed sharply at me. I was panicking, I wanted to play 'brave Sir Robin'.

"Y..You see..." I had finally decided and swallowed thickly.

"Please, hear me out before you finish me off. It's important." _At least to me..._ I dared to look at him questioningly and he nodded.

I felt relief flood over me.

"When that Valar sent me here, he gave me a few powers in order, that I may be able to keep Mary from wreaking too much havoc. Just as I did now. I mean, I sent her simply to sleep and do worry, she will wake up again. Uhm, yeah, I can send persons to sleep, I can make myself invisible and somehow I am able to break the _curse of the Sue_ at least I was told, that I'm able to do that... And, well, as I said I simply put her to sleep..."

Er, I'll spare you the most parts of my little speech. It was basically the same things over and over again, with much gesticulation and no looking at Legolas. I thought that talking would keep me from being killed, so yeah, I simply continued talking and talking and talking. Let's get back into my talking at the end...

"And well, that's basically it. Nothing devilish or evil, just pure good Valar-given powers to help Middle-Earth and all. Just sending persons to sleep and... uh... and, and - dammit! - er... yeah... you know?"

I had no more words left and hung my head. I was sure he'd kill me. If not for disbelieve and suspicion, then for me talking too much...

_I wonder what's going to happen after I die, yet again. Will I meet Death again? Or has Middle-Earth another Death? Most likely he'll look different, if not, then he'll always get mistaken for a Nazgûl! ...Er, I always thought my last thoughts would be something heroic or at least intelligent! But I'm just thinking about my impeding end... I wonder what my family would have to say about that. Thinking about family... Mom, dad, Mike, I'm sorry, I truly am... Wait a second! I'm still alive!_

I looked up...

... and couldn't help but laugh!

I had bored the elven prince to sleep! I couldn't believe it.

"Uhm, Legolas?" No reaction.

"Legolas!" I called out.

Startled he jumped to his feet, ready to attack any enemy. His eyes swiftly scanned the area for a danger, found nothing and settled for me.

"Uhm, I'm finished... You can decide now to not kill me." I grinned lopsidedly. Gallows humour had always been one of my traits...

"As much as I could gather from your rambling," At this his glance got really stern "you were granted powers by a Valar."

I nodded eagerly.

"Against better judgement, I will believe you for now, since you silenced that girl."

I blinked and felt empty for a second. Then I simply laughed my relief out.

"Shit! And I had thought you'd kill me the second I stop talking! Thank you! Thank you so much!"

Er yeah, and so on...

When I finally had myself back under control, I drew a deep breath and got my face straight:

"Thank you, my lord, and please forgive me my rambling. I was just so relieved, that you didn't kill me."

"You are not used to situations like this, are you?" he asked me.

Not having expected such a question, I stared at him for a split second.

"No, I'm not. Normally I'm a rather ordinary girl, trying to succeed at high school. Normally I don't run through forests - er, well on special occassions I do, but that's sidetracking again - and surely I'm not there to sit Sues!"

Legolas laughed a little and nodded.

"Will you still take us with you to Rivendell, my lord?" I simply needed to know...

The elven prince looked at me shortly and then he seemed to be lost in thoughts.

_I'll just let him think, there has to be something I can do while he does so..._

I found nothing to do and just sat around picking at the ground.

"It's not safe to let her walk around just like that." He said finally.

I nodded: "I think so, too, but if you truly take us to Imladris, she'll most likely infatuate each and every inhabitant in a mere second."

"I considered that as well. However I think, she's more of a threat, if she's unobserved. In Imladris someone could always keep an eye on her." He's right with that, but...

"She could infatuate her guard and then? What, if she gets away?"

"Lord Elrond will surely know what to do with her."

_Great, Legolas! Really great! Drag her to Imladris and let the lord of Imladris decide what to do with her! And what about the fellowship? What if she gets away and runs with you?_ I wanted to shout that at him, but kept myself from doing so.

"Then there's just one problem left." I said and sighed.

"What problem?" _Thanks for asking!_

"Well, if you drag her to Imladris, all tied up, and she manages to infatuate, let's say lord Elrond, then you'll be the evil one, who mistreated the poor, little lady Mary, who does never ever do harm to anyone out there and is just perfect and yeah_... _Do you get, what I mean?"

He nodded and said: "There has to be a solution."

"I'm open for any suggestions!" I exclaimed, grinning, hoping for a certain Valar to help.

Legolas stared at me, as if I had lost my mind, and my grin started to crumble. No help today...

"Okay," I sighed and looked at the sky "fine, I'll get an idea without your help!"

Looking back at Legolas, I shrugged and mumbled a "nevermind".

/_/_/_/

A few minutes later, I had an idea. Not a good idea, a very bad idea in fact, but an idea nonetheless.

"Uhm, I think, I might have a suggestion, but I fear you won't approve it..."

_I'm wondering how much time is left before Mary wakes up..._

"Tell me your idea, then I'll decide, whether I like it or not."

"Er, you could untie Mary and act as if you were still bewichted by her and all of this was just a bad dream. Thus you could get her to '_Riverdale_', without raising her suspicion, and warn everyone, especially lord Elrond, about her."

I ducked my head, hating myself for the very thought of such a suggestions, and waited for Legolas' shocked reaction.

However the elven prince had different plans.

"I do not like this plan, but it surely is an option. Maybe one can't be put under her spell, once they are aware of her doing. However there is a major flaw in your plan." I sighed and hung my head. Legolas went on "If that's not the case, I could fall under her spell again and then there'd be no way of warning lord Elrond."

"Well, it was just a suggestion and I already said that you would most likely not like it. Sorry, I don't have any better ideas."

The two of us and the sleeping Mary sat there - well, Mary was more or less lying around - a while in silence. I started once again picking at the ground.

Then all of the sudden I couldn't help, but grin like a maniac. The whole situation was simply ridiculous!

_Let me sum up: _I thought _I'm in a forest, with the prince of Mirkwood, Legolas, babysitting a Mary Sue. And I'm a fairy. Most likely the truck that hit me sent me to coma and this is some kind of stupid dream, no, rather nightmare. And if it's not, then this surely should be written down. I should write it down even if it's just a stupid coma dream.  
_

My grin faded and I began thinking about the last idea.

_As soon as I'm in Rivendell I'll get quill, ink and paper or whatever is used here and write this whole stupid incident down!_

Well, that was the moment the idea to save this story for coming generations was born. Okay, maybe not coming generations, but just anyone who's interested in such a nonsense story, that my mind came up with while in coma. There was no great heroic act the wish to write came from, but it was born from a simple sidetracked thought.

Suddenly Legolas sighed and shook his head: "No, I don't see any other way we could handle her. It seems we have to rely on a plan with many flaws."

I began nodding, then stopped. _Many flaws? _My mouth was agape. _As far as I can judge that the mighty prince didn't come up with anything own! And my plan has only **one **flaw!_

For a split second I thought of being angry, then however I sighed and continued nodding.

When Legolas got up to free Mary, he looked as if he sent a silent, but nonetheless very intense prayer to the Valar...

He looked back at me and said: "I hope it is the right thing to do."

Then he cut her loose.

/_/_/_/

Mary's eyelids fluttered.

I cleared my throat and prepared myself to get back into the concerned, nice, little fariy role.

I felt like a lamb to the slaughter...

Mary groan-giggled - a sound I had never heard before and up to now haven't heard again - and woke up.

She inhaled deeply and I feared she would scream again. Mary seemingly **had **wanted to scream, but, upon noticing that she wasn't bound, simply lay there with an agape mouth.

Licking my lips shortly I flew up to her face and put on some concern:

"My lady? My lady! Are you alright? You just fell from the horse!" _Wow, that sounded good! Maybe I should consider a career as an actress!_

"Huuuuuuuh?" Came the reply, combined with much blinking and staring.

Now Legolas jumped into his role as well - or at least I hoped it was just his role.

"Oh fairest lady of all..." _Geez, I think I have to puke!_

"...I hope you didn't hurt yourself! You fell asleep on my horse and fell down!..." _So elves **can** lie! Take that, Molly and Jack!  
_

Just to make that one clear: Some of my friends and me had once argued, whether elves could lie or not. Since they are creatures of goodness and light, Jack and Molly had argued they couldn't... I on the other hand had reasoned that all warfare begins with deception - as Sunzi or Sun Tsu wrote about two thousand years ago - and elves were described to be formidable warriors, so they simply had to be able to lie to deceive.

"... And I wasn't fast enough to catch you..." _Be glad Mary doesn't know a thing else about elves, than that they are 'hawt'! _

"So you fell and hit your head on the ground, but there seems to be no sign of a concussion..." _Yeah, for where there is simply nothing, nothing can be concussed, right?_

"I hope you can forgive me!" _Shut up, Lego! Or I'll really puke!_

Mary giggled, blinked, giggled again and got up - not without Legolas' help, of course! He offered his hand, she took it and let herself get pulled to her feets.

"Oh, my love, I feel so ..." Mary stopped and murmured "What was the word again? Geez, that's not fair! I always forget words. Oh, yeah that was it!" She cleared her throat starting anew.

"Oh, my love, I feel so ... dammit...fatigued!" And with that she sank into his arms... and I facepalmed myself once again.

"We should rest here, so that I can get some sleep..." My mouth hung open... she just had had slept quite some time! "... and recover from falling from the horse."

Mary, still lying in Legolas' arms, had only eyes for him, so I decided it was time to stare accusingly at Legolas. Why? Let me explain:

It was his damn, freaking, bloody fault that I was stuck with this damn, freaking bloody Mary-Sue Mary! After all, if he hadn't have to play goody-two-shoes, hero in shining armour on the stupid, white horse, her dumbness Mary would most likely have been eaten by those great and courageous orcs! But noooooooo! The valiant prince of Mirkwood of course had to save the poor damsel in distress. Stupid bugger!

Either it was holding Mary in his arms or my glare of death that made Legolas shift uncomfortably and swallow hardly. I still prefer to think it was my glare. Yay me!

"I'm terribly sorry, my lady, but this is no good spot to rest and sleep. It's not far to Rivendell by now and we should make haste to get there..." _Yes, because then she's no longer your but lord Elrond's problem! Ha! That's a very transparten plan! But I'd also get to share the responsibility for that creature! After all **I'M** just a little girl and lord Elrond is really wise and all that stuff, surely Valar will see that, too._

"But I want to rest! That's not fair! I want to rest! I want to sleep! I want to have new clothing!" Mary whined and stomped her foot with every sentence._  
_

"There are real soft and warm beds!" I chimed in "Consider it! Most likely you'll be able to take a hot bath an..." I never got to finish my sentence...

"HOT BATH? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO EARLIER! LET'S GO TO RIVERDALE!" _Ouch my ears..._

And so we made haste for Rivendell, quite a group of travellers:

A very loud and un-ladylike Mary-Sue, an acting-as-if-infatuated prince of Mirkwood, and a very angry 'helpful' fairy. Glittering.

* * *

That's all, folks. I won't make a promise to update soon, however I assure you that I won't abandon this story here, maybe it takes a very long time to write the next chapter, but I'll do it. That much I do promise! And I keep my promises, always!


	6. Chapter 6

Hey there! Here's chapter six! Thank you once again for your nice reviews =) I really like them =)

Disclaimer: Still alive, still female, still owning nothing... except for Lilian and Mary, but hell the latter is free to be burned down!

* * *

Ugh, my head is giving me quite some trouble...

Yours would be, too, if your were exposed to Mary for longer than five seconds!

I forgot what I wrote last time.

Yeah, well, go ahead, laugh at me! Mary's constant babbling makes it really hard to concentrate! Though I'm sitting in the supposedly quiet library of Imladris and writing, I can still hear her through several walls.

Hmm... I don't think I had proceded far enough with writing my tale down to be here, had I? No...

Well... Oh, yeah!

/_/_/_/

"Are we there, yet?"

"Not yet, my lady."

"Are we there, yet?"

"Just a little further now, lady Mary."

"Are we there, yet?"

There was Rivendell and the two speakers were her whinyness and his highness.

To me said conversation had reduced to a background noise, as it had went on for about the last half hour. I was listening to some music inside my head, smiling as if I had lost my mind totally. What I think I have...

Maybe I should admire Legolas for his patience. I would have loved to smash Mary's head into a tree over and over again, asking "Are you dead, yet?" but well, that's just my two pence...

Mary sat behind Legolas on his horse and clinged to him as if her life depended on it. Poor him. I sat between the horse's ears. Quite a nice and warm spot to sit, I tell you, however it's unsuiting for a human. _Good __thing I'm a fairy! Wait! What am I thinking? I GLITTER! I HATE being a fairy! Hmpf!_

"Are we there, yet?"

"Not ye...wait. Look there it is!" Legolas cried out, most likely relieved, that he didn't have to bear her constant whining much longer.

Mary however hat different plans. She looked around.

"What? Where? I can't see a thing! Where is it? I want to see Riverdale! NOW!" She whined and shouted.

"Right in front of you, my lady Mary." I told her, well it was still a pretty long way, but it was visible. And hell! The movies didn't capture the stunning view I saw there, though the scenery came very close to it.

Mary leaned out to her right to look around Legolas. _She must see Rivendell now!_

"Where?"

I facepalmed myself. Seems to have become quite a habit! Wait...

"Lady Mary, ehrm, could it be by any chance, that you need glasses?" I asked cautiously. Oddly enough everything went absolutely quiet and the word 'glasses' resounded from everywhere. _Yay! I finally get my special effects! Ehm, one moment please, maybe that was a mistake? How was it always put in those Star Wars movies? **I have a bad feeling about this...**_

Mary looked totally shocked at me blinked. Blinked again and shook her head.

I thought I had been wrong about my 'bad feeling', however I had no idea.

"GLASSES?" She shrieked and Legolas flinched. Shit. Her face was directly beside his right ear. He'd surely get deaf of get a serious tinnitus...

"I DO NOT NEED GLASSES!" She went on. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF HOW MUCH GLASSES WOULD RUIN MY LOOK? DO I LOOK LIKE SOME STUPID..." Stupid? Definitely!

"...AND UNCOOL NERD OR SOMETHING? I AM COOL AND BECAUSE OF THAT I DO NOT NEED GLASSES! I AM PRETTY! THERE'S NO NEED FOR ME TO SEE EVERYTHING!"

Ouch. That had hurt in my ears and Legolas looked as if he had just gotten some beating...

Her loudness stuck her nose up and sulked. Silently.

_Finally! I thought with a quiet sigh. Silence. Oh, how I missed you, my dear silence!_

/_/_/_/

When we actually reached Rivendell, Mary was still sulking. And I was still awestruck of the beauty of the last homely home.

Even Mary had then to admit, that this scenery was simply breath-taking, though she voiced it - let's say - quite... differently:

"Woooow! So this is Riverdale? That's so kewl! I stay here! Wait, no, wasn't there something about a travel or something?"

"Lady Mary!" I quickly interrupted, before she could say something about the ring. _Well, does she even know about it? Or does she just know that her hottie runs around somewhere looking hot and shooting some - how had she put it? - 'ugly and rank creatures'. Poor orcs. They have feelings as well, doesn't she know?_

"Lady Mary, maybe you should take a bath and then go to speak with..." Hmm, whom to best burden with her? Mithrandir or Lord Elrond? Oh, well, all the same to me! "...lord Elrond or Mithrandir." _Whoops I used the wrong name, she'll never know 'Mithrandir'..._

"Huuuuuuh?" Exactly what I had thought.

"Mithrandir, the Grey Pilgrim! Surely you must have heard about Gandalf? You yourself told me you were the most inte..err intelligenst person you knew?" I let my eyes go wide with surprise about her cluelessness.

"Gandalf?" She said and allowed Legolas to help her from the horse.

Legolas took the reigns of his horse: "I hope you don't mind, I'll see to my horse being taken care of."

Mary simply nodded, obviously still thinking about Gandalf, and I waved and grinned at Legolas. _Lucky bastard! He has an excuse to go away! Just wait for my redemption elf-boy! My revenge will be gruesome!_ In my mind little mental Lilian laughed a very sinister and evil laugh... until she had to cough from it, very soon...

"Yes, Gandalf the Grey! A most powerful wizard, one of the Istari." Hehehe, sometimes I'm just evil and like to confuse people...

"Ah!" she exclaimed and beamed self-righteous "Gandalf was that grandpa with that stupid long beard and an unwashed dress!"

_Grandpa? STUPID long beard? UNWASHED? DRESS? Hell, we are talking about one of the most powerful beings in Middle-Earth in the Third Age... and she calls him a granpda in an unwashed dress._

I wanted to cry, throw myself on the floor and sulk for the rest of my life.

However that was not an option!

_At least she hasn't called lord Elrond, what do I know, a gay guy with pointy ears?_

"Okay, now that's Gandalf..." No, no! Don't ask! "... but who's this El Rond? Is he Mexican? I mean, that El is Mexican, isn't it?"

I went into a state of pure shock.  
_Lord Elrond, son of Earendil, who sails the skies, bearer of Vilya, master healer, a Mexican, that's too much! Not that I hold a grudge or anything against Mexicans, it's just lord Elrond... a Mexican! The thought is simply too absurd! And I have even told her about Elrond being lord over Imladris!_

I opened my mouth to answer, but closed it again. Whatever could I have said? Luckily I got saved by a servant. Oh, how I wish for him he hadn't intervened!

He simply looked at Mary... and all light dimmed from his eyes. The next victim of the Curse of the Sue!

"My lady! How may I be of service to you?" He babbled. The way he talked couldn't be described as anything else, just mindless words spilling from his mouth without being thought.

Mary giggled, before answering: "I want to bath!"

The elf basically drooled by now and I thought about getting a bib for him...

"Of course, my lady!" He said, bowed and ran away. Without asking for her name, her purpose of being in Rivendell or considering to tell anyone - for example the lord of the Imladris - about a unknown girl in pretty strange clothing! _Males! Show them a piece of skin and they'll loose their minds!_

"Take a close look, fairy!" The last word dripped with venom. "Someone helpful should act that way. Being of actual help, not just talking and doing nothing like you! So go away now! I don't want to see you right now! There are too many yummy elves here!"

Now it was her turn to drool and I happily complied and took to my feet... err wings...

/_/_/_/

For a few minutes I just flew around, taking in the beauty of Rivendell and the feeling of utter peace, that it radiated. The gardens were just ... wow. There is simply no other word for it.

Then my sense of duty kicked in and I went to search for Legolas. I would need him to warn lord Elrond. Hopefully he'd believe us soon enough. Or maybe it was better to hope that Mary tried to wash **all** dirt off her skin and out of her hair. I assumed it would take her several hours to be of her own liking. Well, most likely she never liked herself, otherwise she wouldn't have to rely on so much make up and such short clothes. But that was really not my business!

I had been flying around for quite some time now, when I finally decided that Rivendell simply was a too vast place to find a person quickly. So I sat down on a little rock and thought about my options. It didn't take me long to remember that kind of built in compass...

What I mean by that? Well, I had found the rather correct direction to Rivendell, I had found that small creek, so what? It was worth giving it a try! After all I was a fairy! With some strange powers... yeah, right... remind me, please, to go and see a shrink as soon as all of this is over!

_Legolas? Legolas! Where the hell are you right now? Come on you stupid fairy mind! Bring it already on! I don't have time to loose! Show me the way to that damn elven prince!_

Do you know that feeling, when you suddenly remember something, you knew you had forgotten and tried hard to remember for some time? Well, that's what it feels like to get told a direction by a mental compass...

As I knew now, which way to take, I found Legolas rather swiftly.

"Good to see you, my lord." I said and bowed, as good as that was possible while flying.

"We still need to inform lord Elrond about that - what did you call it, again?" Legolas got straight to business, just as I had wanted to do!

"Mary-Sue. These things are called Mary-Sues. And that's exactly what I had wanted to talk about, my lord. We should tell lord Elrond about her better sooner than later."

The prince of Mirkwood merely nodded and motioned for me to come with him. _Ha! That he thought! I'd fly while he walked? Nah!_ I simply sat down on his shoulder once again.

"So, I assume you know where to find the noble lord of Imladris?" I asked him, dangling my feet.

"Not for sure, however it is most likely to find him in his study."

_Ah, okay, so Frodo isn't here yet. And no other hobbits. I wonder how Mary is going to react to them. Maybe she'll cuddle them? Or she'll tell them to razor their feet... I think both would be quite a show!_ My thoughts made me crack a broad grin. I so could depict Mary's disgust at haired feet... and I couldn't help, but actually laugh!

His higness stopped for a moment and looked questioningly at me.

"Would you mind to tell me, what is so funny?"

I stopped laughing for a moment, but still couldn't supress the grin. I waved it off and said, still grinning: "Nothing."

Legolas threw me an unbelieving glance, but dropped the subject, and we continued our way - or rather he continued our way to lord Elrond's study.

/_/_/_/

I wondered how, but somehow we got to the doors of lord Elrond's study without getting lost. There were just so many ways and corridors and devil-may-care-whats that I would surely have gotten lost!

Legolas knocked then and we heard a muffled "Come in." from behind the doors.

I swallowed and closed my eyes, trying not to think of Mary's words about Elrond. But it was just like when someone tells you not to think of violet cows! You just have to think of them! And thus I had an image of lord Elrond, how he got shown in the movies, in my mind but with a poncho and a sombrero... singing 'La Cucaracha' and dancing to it... I know! That's so stereotype and unrealistic! And not open-minded, but in that moment my brain didn't care about things like that and just showed me what it came up with!

And that's the reason why I made a very, very bad first impression on said lord...

The second I saw him, dignified as always, I cracked up and laughed. Laughed so hard, in fact, that I simply fell off Legolas' shoulder. And still continued laughing...

Both elves just stared at me in confusion, but I simply couldn't get a hold on myself. Normally I'm rather calm and composed, but sometimes, well yeah, you see the outcome of sometimes...

"Sorry!" I managed to gasp between two fits of laughter "Don't mind me!" I wiped some tears from my eyes "Just carry on!" and I still literally 'rofl'ed!

"Lilian?" Legolas asked and picked me carefully up "Are you alright?"

What was that? Concern? That just managed to fuel my laughter once again! I managed to nod.

When I had finally calmed down enough to speak - not without occassional giggles, mind you - I told him: "Just my mental movie projector running wild. Oh, you don't get that, do you? Uhm, my imagination, some pictures I couldn't rid myself off. And they were Mary-induced!"

Then I cleared my throat and bowed to lord Elrond: "I'm sorry, my lord. I did not intend to offend." _It's just that I saw you dancing to a song about cockroaches? Nah, nothing one can say!_

He studied me for a moment. "You are a fairy." He simply stated. They seemingly had traded greetings and such while I had been laughing too hard to notice.

I nodded and said: "Yes, right now I'm a fairy and as a fairy I'm called..." I swallowed again, still hating the name I had given myself "...Belle. However normally I'm a human girl called Lilian." I thought about going like a bull at a gate, but decided against it. Step by step method would most likely take longer, but would most likely be more successful...

"Considering the way you are talking, I take that you are not from here?"_ Ah, astute as ever, Mister ehm Elrond._ _Okay, nearly a Death quote._

I nodded, once again. "You are right, my lord, I'm from a planet called Earth and Mary is from there as well. And she's the real problem." Okay, bull at a gate method after all. Legolas paled a little at the mentioning of her name. "And she's the reason why I have to call myself 'Belle'. I hate that name, but she knows me in my human shape by my real name. And we hate each other."

Lord Elrond raised an eyebrow, just like in the movies. Oh, by the way, he looks a lot like in the movies only his eyes look so much older! This is something that could never get captured by a human actor. It's just impossible.

"You left a lot of questions unanswered, young fairy." _Great, where does he know from that I'm young? Okay, maybe my way of speaking and my laughing fit gave it away. And him being several millenia old... Most likely he calls everyone young...  
_

I sighed and hung my head. "I know, I know, my lord. I just don't know how to answer all of them, so maybe you could ask what you want to know?" I glanced up hopefully.

He nodded. Legolas hadn't said anything up to now, damn bugger, let me do all the explaning!

"As a first question I want to know, who is Mary?"

Legolas and I looked at each other, gulping.

"Well, you decided to ask the most difficult question directly in the beginning. So, well, since I managed to explain all this to prince Legolas, I should be able to do it again, shouldn't I?" I grinned lopsidedly. _Here we go again!_

"In my world this world is a - how to put it? - story. And as many persons like that story and especially some characters of it..." At this I threw a side glance at Legolas "... many persons write their own stories in the setting of this world. Oh, I know, this isn't answering your question at all, or so it seems. Just let me finish and it will explain itself. Where were I again? Oh yeah. There are also very bad stories, in which a just perfect girl gets dropped to Middle-Earth and decides to ruin the plot by infatuating each and everyone, claiming it to be **true love**. We call them Mary-Sues." Again I got no special effect. "And, as fate - that little bugger - wants it Mary is a Mary-Sue and she got sent here by your enemy. And I do not mean the dwarfs! I'm on the other hand got dragged here by a Valar... and he blackmailed me - yes! A blackmailing Valar! - into taking care of Mary, that she **won't **ruin the plot and everything. Oh and by the way, she's right here in Imladris, so... have fun!"

Lord Elrond gave me an unfathomable glance and seemed to think about my words.

"I can't vouch for everything Lilian says, but I know that that Mary-Sue had me infatuated for quite a while and claimed I had sworn eternal love to her. So I would vouch for Mary being a creature of evil and I would say, that she'd best be kept under close watch. I do not like the idea of one of the Valar blackmailing someone into something, but I'm sure if they did, they had their reasons for it." Legolas said quietly. So at least he believed me by now and trusted me enough to be on my side. Yay!

Lord Elrond frowned: "You want to tell me, that there is a person in Rivendell, that was sent here by Sauron and can bewitch any person?"

I nodded eagerly. Legoals nodded as well, but in a more - let's say - royal way, you know? Not so fast and more, well, royal? Ugh, I hate nobles, they can't even nod properly!

The older elf just wanted to speak again, as Mary burst in.

Shall I? Shall I not? Well... I shall describe her entrance as it would have been perceived... Even though it still makes my eyes hurt, bloody stupid sueism!

The doors flew wide open and a beam of light chose just that very moment to fall through a window, its sole purpose to illuminate Mary's person.

I only wondered: _How the hell can there be a single beam of light on a very bright afternoon?_

The light made her beautiful, long, blond hair shine and sparkle, as it flowed down like silk over her back.

_Wait, is that a hint of brown I'm seeing at her hairline?_

It reflected in her perfect blue eyes, that shone with incredible compassion and wisdom.

_Godammit, did she always have such a dull glance?_

The new gown she wore matched her beauty and her eyes perfectly and it flowed around her figure as she began to walk gracefully toward Legolas.

_As gracefully as an elephant on high-heels! If gravity worked on Mary-Sues, she would have already toppled over..._

_

* * *

_

A/N: That's all for now! I hope you liked it and please leave me a little review =)_  
_


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry, for the long wait once again! School really keeps me busy! =( And soon there'll be my A-level-exams and I'm hellishly afraid of them!

Star Tae: I'm still trying to wipe out all typos, it will still take me a while to get that finished, I hope I didn't make that many in this chapter. However English isn't my mother tongue, so that's a bit difficult for me =/

Disclaimer: *sighs* Same as everytime, folks! I'm not male, not a genius = I don't own Disc's Death

I'm not male, not a genius, not dead = I don't own Middle-Earth or any persons running around there

But I am myself and thus own Mary and Lilian. The former may however be killed in any painful way you can think of.

The word "Feth" is borrowed from the Gaunt's Ghosts series by Dan Abnett, taking place in the Warhammer 40k universe.

* * *

So Mary got an entrance, that would have suited a sappy romance movie with a happily ever after. But luckily, this _wasn't_ such a movie and I was there to keep it that way.

Oh, and luck or fate finally decided to be on _my _side for once:

Legolas seemed to be strong-minded enough to endure a dreadful attack of the Sue, once he knew about the threat and Lord Elrond, well, let's just say, that he's an ancient elf with more than enough experience of life. And he had already fought along side Gil-Galad in the Last Alliance. He simply _knew_ about the horrors Sauron could unleash. Thus Mary had no chance of infatuating anyone just like that.

"Would you please explain your behaviour? And tell me about your name and purpose." _Wow, quite impressive. Mighty elf-lord, indeed._

Mary blinked. She surely hadn't expected _that_. I could almost see how her mind tried to cope with what had just been said. No praise of her beauty, no pledging of 'eternal love' or anything. Just a demand for her name and purpose.

"Uhm, I..." Mary broke off, staring at Legolas, as if she expected him to jump to her rescue.

She cleared her throat. _Here we go. I should force Valar to improve my body, instead of just giving me my life back for taking care of this little piece of ... err yeah._

"I am the Lady..." She stumbled, thought and went on "I am the Lady Bainiel Gollwen err..." _WHAT? You are neither beautiful nor prudent! And you are surely no elf! Every elf would be ashamed for being one, if you were! And since when are you able to understand elvish?_ I didn't know then, but later it hit me. Bloody stupid sueism!_  
_

"But you told me you were Mary Sue! If you are not Mary Sue then, I'm utterly wrong here!" I cried out in faked confusion.

Lord Elrond looked sternly, firstly at me, then at Mary or 'Bainiel'. Legolas decided to remain silent.

"What is your name, then? Bainiel or Mary?" If I had been Mary, I would have spun around and dashed away at that demand. Elrond can be really scary and intimidating!

"Uhm, well, you see, ahem." Mary fell silent again, obviously even the tiny bit of intelligence, that she had, understood, that it was a very bad idea to try to lie to Lord Elrond...

"MyrealnameisMaryandI'!" She blurted out, not in the least bit understandable.

Both elves just stared at her. Okay, I admit, I did so, too.

"Repeat what you just said, but slower this time." _I would do as he not really asked, if I were you, Stupy ah Mary._ I barely managed to suppress a broad grin. Mary at the mercy of an uninfatuable elf-lord, quite a sight, believe me!

"Uh..."

_...As in 'What did I just say?'..._

"My real name is Mary and I'm from a different world and I wanted to - ... hmm... right! - blend better in! I thought a name of this world would be better." _No batting your eyelids? I must say I'm disappointed... Not really, but - oh. _

There it was the obligatory batting of her eyelids. Turning invisible, the palm of my hand met my forehead.

"Now I know your name. But still you didn't name your purpose."

"Where did my fairy go?"

It looked a lot like Lord Elrond's patience was wearing thin. Very thin.

"Name your purpose of being here."

"I want my fairy!" Mary pouted. Then she realised, that she hadn't asked with whom she was talking. "Who are you, by the way?"

"I am Elrond, Lord of..." He didn't get any further. Mary's insolence knew no bounds.

"El Rond? So you're that Mexican guy? You surely don't look Mexican! Real Mexicans wear big hats.."

_Sombreros, Mary! Sheesh you don't get anything correct, do you? Oh, well, I hope you land in the dungeons - wait, does Imladris have dungeons? I surely hope so! - for that! _

".. and talk with a funny accent, you know? Just like the guy at the taco diner!" Still invisible, I pulled a face. That just hurt! And Mary just continued to chatter about stupid and unimportant nonsense! And I shall spare you the rest of it.

"Enough of that!" The Lord of Imladris finally demanded, after regaining countenance. And Mary looked utterly surprised, nearly shocked.

"But what did I do wrong? I was just getting at how Lucy - you know, her parents named her Lucretia, but that's soooo outdated! So we call her Lucy - dumped her boyfriend in a taco diner. And I tell you that was so kewl! She just took her drink and..."

"I said enough! You shall now finally answer my question about your purpose of being here, otherwise I have no other possibility than throwing you into the dungeons..." _YAY! _"...of Imladris!" Lord Elrond thundered. I would have made a run for my life, but Mary not.

"But dungeons are just for nerds! You know? This stupid game called 'Dungeons &' - what was it again? Something with 'D'... Dolphins? No. Oh, it doesn't matter! It's just for nerds and geeks and not for famous persons like me." She chattered happily on. Looking at Lord Elrond's face, she finally remembered to answer his question.

"Oh, yes, why I'm here, why didn't you just ask in the beginning, if you want to know?" She sighed theatrically and made a dramatic pause. "I am here to pledge eternal love with... "

_Just about every male you get to see? _

"... Legolas, my beloved." I balled a fist... and bit down on it, in order to keep from shouting out loud with laughter. That was simply and utterly ridiculous.

Lord Elrond was caught utterly surprised and Legolas' face drained of all colour and he looked, as if _he_ might go running away any moment now.

"Isn't it that way, sexy?" Mary giggled, looking at Legolas.

"No." He managed to get out. I closed my eyes in horror.

But Mary didn't even listen, she was so engrossed in her own, little, pink, glittering world.

"See! We even plan to marry in a few weeks, that's going to be soooo kewl! And..." She would just chatter on for hours, if she was allowed!

Fortunately Lord Elrond prevented this: "You may go now and move freely in Imladris. You shall be given a room to stay."

Mary's eyes turned big like saucers: "Can I share a room with Leggy?" She nearly drooled and said prince just shook his head in pure horror.

The Lord of Imladris arched an eyebrow: "I don't know, whether that would be custom in your world, but in this it isn't."

Mary blinked: "Do all these fancy words mean 'no'?"

"Exactly."

"That's unfair! I want to share a room with Leggy! We are going to marry anyway! So where's the problem?" Mary whined. I pressed my hands on my ears and hummed in my head the tune of 'Calculate The Apocalypse'.

When she realised, that whining wouldn't get her anywhere, she snapped "Fine! We still have the days, right, Leggy?'

This time Legolas just ran.

"Wait for me, my beloved!" Mary screeched and chased after him. I didn't care to tell her about elves being much faster than humans, having better reflexes and everything. I was just glad to be out of her reach for now and turned visible again.

"Uhm, I want to apologise on Mary's behalf for all that stupid talking, my Lord?" I tried and Lord Elrond sighed.

"Is she always that difficult?" He asked me.

I gave a helpless shrug: "I'm glad to say: I don't know! Normally I wouldn't spend three minutes in her company, but this is a... special... situation."

"What did she mean with 'pledging eternal love'?" Oh, okay, so he wanted to cross-examine me about the behaviour of that big pain in the ass.

"Uhm, well, that's sueism."

"Does this word describe the behaviour of the beings you call Mary-Sues?"

I nodded eagerly. "As I said, horrible stories, in which infatuation equals true and eternal love."

"What is a Mexican?" _Come on! I want to enjoy Imladris' beautiful gardens!_

"A person from Mexico. It's a country in my world. And because your name starts with 'El' she assumed you to be one, because 'El' is an article_, _like in 'El Diablo' or something."

He shook his head. "You may go now."

Gratefully I bowed. "Thank you, my Lord!" And hurried off.

Well I would have, if time hadn't stopped once again!

/_/_/_/

"Great! What is it _yet _again?" I groaned, even before I looked.

There stood Valar, looking slightly uncomfortable, and Death. _Wait! What's Death doing here?_

"Uhm, it's not that I mind seeing you again, Death, but I'm annoyed as hell because of Mary! And that Valar over there." I nodded in Valar's direction.

"THERE IS A PROBLEM, CONCERNING YOUR ACCIDENT." I love that voice, still it sent shivers down my spine. Yet I got suspicious.

"What kind of problems?" My eyes narrowed and locked on Valar. A dreadful idea tried to creep into my mind, but I refused to let it in just like that.

"I could alter you into keep running, but it seems, as if I'm unable to..."

I closed my eyes, not wanting him to go on, yet the same time wanting nothing more than gaining that knowledge.

"... get you out uninjured. In this world that wouldn't be a problem, however in your world, I don't have much that much power."

I stared at him in horror, not wanting to believe what I had just heard.

"No." I breathed and lowered my head.

"DON'T WORRY, I COULD GET YOU A NICE REBIRTH ON THE DISC, IF YOU STARTED TO BELIEVE IN THAT.' Ah, so _that_ was Death's whole purpose of attending that 'meeting'. Offering me something else, instead of getting my real and rather nice life back.

I shook my head: "That's not fair! For what can the grain hope, if not for the care of the reaper man? That's what _you _said, Death, isn't it?"

Well, I have a tendency to replace sadness or grief with anger. And that's basically what I did.

"And you said as well, that it was _not_ my time to die there and then! So where the feth is the justice in that? I mean, you once said, there's no justice, there's just me!"

Only then did I notice, that I had my very own shape back. I would take advantage of that!

I angrily stalked over to Valar's position and tried to shove him a bit back.

"And don't you think you get out of this, just like that! That's all your bloody fault! You _will_ find a way to get me back into my normal life! Without being an invalid! Otherwise you can shove your I-taking-care-of-Mary up your ass, did I make myself clear?"

What did I care, that I was talking to someone's god? I did not believe in him, and believe is the main source - more the only source - for a god's power and existence!

"And that fairy-body is just ridiculous! It's tiny, it's weak! It's bloody useless!" I made a step back, flopped on the ground and crossed my arms.

Well, Death's look didn't deviate, but he had just a skull. Valar, however, was very displeased with the outcome and looked angry himself.

"What now, Valar? Do you want to threaten me with the prospect of dieing?" I faked a gasp of surprise. "Wait! That's not possible! I freaking **_am _**as good as dead!"

He opened his mouth to say something, but I was faster.

"Or do you want to threaten me with something utterly horrible. No, wait! You already did give me the most horrible job imaginable! So _what_ do you want to do? There's nothing you could do, to make me obey!"

His jaw was set firmly, and his gaze blazed with anger, just as mine did. We both stared at each other, none of us relenting.

Death sighed, but I didn't care.

"AND DISCWORLD IS REALLY NO OPTION?" Death tried to negotiate, maybe I had hit him a little by using his quotes, but in that moment I simply did not care at all.

"No. Not even _close _to an option! That bloody Valar just got me to take care of her annoyingess by announcing to get me my life back! There's nothing else I could want. Even if I'd love to meet Commader Vimes in person." I still stared at Valar.

"You shall do as I say, human!" His voice was very low, but cold as ice.

"You shall do as I say, human!" I aped him. "As I said before, you have nothing to offer, that I could want. You can't threaten me with anything, I'd be afraid of!"

"Your behaviour is very childish."

"Oh, and yours is not? You are the mighty deity of some poor idiot. I'm barely out of childhood! Compared to you _I _have every right to be childish!" For a second I thought about sticking my tongue out at him, but decided against it. I still had a little bit of pride, after all!

"Don't worry, Death said, you would survive your accident. Did the prospect of being a burden to those around you, not frighten you a lot, human?" _I swear, if he calls me 'human' once again in that tone, I'll rip him apart!_

"I'd rather be a burden than jumping at your command without any reward! Not even a dog would do so! And as you pointed out, I am _human_!" I snarled at him. "One of my kind made you and this whole world up! You gods were invented by sentinent beings, not the other way round!"

A second later I realised what I had just said. I regretted it somehow, but I couldn't give in! He had lied to me! He had taken my life from me!

* * *

The end for now again. Sorry for taking that long, and sorry that this chapter is slightly shorter than the others. I just have so much to do! I'm really sorry =(


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Same blahblah as always, I don't own anything recognizeable.

Thanks to all reviewers! I really appreciate your comments =)

Sorry for taking that long =( My A-level-exams kept me on my toes for weeks! Now I have finally finisehd them all and have finally time for something different than studying again. And what? I get ill, the whole damn thing with high fever and antibiotic, twice. Urgh. However now the waiting begins, waiting for the results and we don't even have information when we'll get those damn results!

And, yaaaay, a Mary Sue free chapter :D However much Death and Valar included :D

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Valar stared at me, eyes ablaze with anger.  
I stared at Valer, eyes ablaze with anger.

If this was some kind of western, then we'd be right at the scene for the duel at dawn. I could almost hear the music inside my head.

"I REALLY SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT A BOOK THIS TIME." Death sighed. I barely registered that he had said anything, normally I'd totally drool, because of this voice.

Regret crawled again into my mind, but I silenced it once again quickly.

"So what? You didn't know that? And I always thought gods were omniscient. Oh, must be another error in religion itself." I snarled.

Valar's jaw was firmly set.

_If I believed in him, he would have already set me aflame with that glare. Good thing I don't._

"Now, don't tell me you thought yourself to be omniscient! My, my, my another thing I made you realize. So your world comes now crumbling down?" I gave him a glance of mock pity, which swiftly turned back into that of pure anger "Now you know how I feel!" I shouted "You took me from my life, promising me I'd return to it, if I helped you out. I help you out and then you tell me "whoopsie, sorry, but I can't keep my promises, hehe, but don't worry, just do your work, there'll be no payment." I will forever be stuck in this fairy body, not you. I will never see my friends again, not you! I will never see my family again, NOT YOU! So, please excuse the fuck out of me, if I'm freaking, damn, bloody angry! If I hate everything, that could come close to resemble some kind of deity! If I would love to rip your bloody head off your bloody body and use your bowel to skip rope!" I screamed at him at top of my lungs.

Unfortunately, my anger had then been spent. But don't think I'd just let it go, no, I tried to grasp at it with everything I had, tried to get hold of the finest tether of my furor. But to no avail. Feebly I sank to the ground, crying and sobbing, without any means of ever getting up again.

"WASN'T SHE JUST ANGRY A FEW SECONDS AGO?" A confused Death asked Valar. Death always had problems, understanding the way the human mind works

Valar shook his head and sighed, suddenly calm: "No, not really at least. Humans tend to have peculiar ways of coping with strong emotions."

I didn't want to go on anymore, it was just not fair. I would have been content just keep my position on the floor and weep for the rest of my life.

"I'm sure I will find a way to bring you back to your old life, child." Somehow Valar managed to sound comforting. "It just won't work out as I firstly planned."

"What do I care? You said yourself you couldn't get me out uninjured. So what's the point in trying? There's no way, there never was. I'll never go home." I hiccuped, not even bothering to look up at him.

"That is true, but still I am - as you put it - the "deity of some poor idiot". And if it is true that sentient beings made us up, then they should be able to grant us power. So maybe, if you would start to believe in us Valar, I would get enough power over you to keep you from getting killed and injured in a way that would make you an invalid."

I looked up at him, still weeping but with suspicion in my eyes. "And who guarantees me, that you won't take that back as well?"

Valar seemed suddenly weary and sighed again: "I could promise you not to..." I wanted to interject that he had promised to restore my old life as well and simply broke that promise by telling me he was unable to do so, but I didn't saw any reason to do so. And furthermore he went on faster, than I could have interjected hi,. "...but I don't think you would believe me now, if I'd promised. There is no way to guarantee anything, but you could trust me. After all, all of this is soon going to be over." Now he smiled at me warmly.

_Sheesh! Is he pregnant or what? Not even five minutes ago he would have loved to make a beacon out of me and now he's al__l nice and comforting. I'd call that serious mood swings!_ - Mind you! I didn't say any of that. It would have just gotten me the glare of death - not Death death but death by Valar glare! - again.

I snuffled: "And if it doesn't work?"

Valar looked like he had no idea at all what to say now, so Death spoke again: "IT WILL WORK"

I looked up at Death pondering that: "How do you know? It's not like the concept, uhm - the events of 'Thud!' have already taken place on Disc? Vimes falling down into that underground river?"

Death nodded and I continued: "Well, as I said, it's not like the concept of a written narrative applies here. This is not a story. You can't simply skip to the last page and read who killed that damn bugger. You are ignorant and there's no way to change that until the events of life pass by."

Death stared at me shortly, as if he thought about what I had said, then he tried again with his solution: "MAYBE NOW THAT YOU HAVE CALMED DOWN A LITTLE, YOU WILL CONSIDER THE OPTION OF TAKING A REBIRTH AT DISCWORLD? AS YOU SAID, YOU WOULD LOVE TO MEET HIS GRACE HIS EXCELLENCY THE DUKE OF ANKH COMMANDER OF THE CITY WATCH SIR SAMUEL VIMES IN PERSON."

I simply had to grin, no matter my tear-stained eyes and cheeks, Death had truly just mentioned all of Commander Vimes' titles. Vimes would so totally go spare and simply hearing the titles gave me the mental image of him doing so.

"Thanks, Death. Wow, and up to now I thought one met you only once in life... death... life-death...whatever. You get it don't you? Maybe I truly should simply go to Disc, if this believing stuff doesn't work. You know, Valar, I have serious doubts about that." I swallowed and wiped the tears finally away. "The essence of believe is - at least in my world - not knowing. So I do know now that you exist, so how could I believe? It's just like in the movie "Constantine", he knows that god and angels and stuff exist, so belief alone can't save him from hell - well, yeah there's the stuff with trying to kill himself and such, but to counteract that he kills demons and devils... I'm rambling again, am I not? So anyway, how can I believe, if I already know?" I looked at Death and Valar with big eyes and snuffled again.

"IT SEEMS LIKE BELIEF WORKS DIFFERENTLY IN OUR WORLDS. ON THE DISCWORLD GODS TEND TO COME INTO EXISTENCE DUE TO THE BELIEF OF PERSONS, JUST LIKE YOU MENTIONED EARLIER, LITTLE LILIAN." Death knows my name - yay! Please, disregard the fact that Death knows every name of every person. He's Death after all! "IN THIS WORLD, IF WE DISREGARD THE FACT THAT IT SEEMS TO HAVE ITS ROOTS ACTUALLY IN YOUR WORLD, THE GODS FIRSTLY CREATED MIDDLE-EARTH AND THEN LITTLE BY LITTLE ALL LIFE. FURTHERMORE THEY CONTINUED TO INTERACT WITH THE POPULATION AND YOU SHOULD TAKE INTO YOUR CONSIDERATION THAT SOMEONE'S FATHER IS NOW A STAR. AND IN YOUR WORLD, WELL, I SHOULD NOT TELL YOU THAT."

Valar looked bewildered at Death: "How do you know that? How do you know that we actually created everything? Not that it is different but just, how do you know?"

Death grinned, as always: "THERE ARE SEVERAL REASONS: FIRSTLY, I AM DEATH, I HAVE BEEN THERE EVER SINCE THERE WAS LIFE. OH, OF COURSE THERE IS ANOTHER DEATH FOR THIS WORLD, BUT WE STAY IN TOUCH, QUITE A NICE FELLOW, INDEED, I SHOULD INTRODUCE HIM TO WAR SOMEDAY." Death was referring to another Rider of the Apocalypse. "AND SECONDLY, WHY, I HAVE READ TOLKIEN'S BOOKS. 'ONE OF THE VALAR', I REALLY SUGGEST THAT YOU READ THE SILMARILLION SOMEDAY SINCE IT IS PRETTY MUCH ABOUT YOU."

Now I laughed helplessly again. Death read Tolkien. Great!

"So, to put it in a nutshell, since the gods of Middle-Earth continued to intervene with people's fates and stuff, the population knows and thus belief in here isn't founded upon not knowing." I summed Death's speech up.

Valar nodded: "Exactly. So belief could actually be the answer to your dilemma!"

I pulled a face: "You know... Up to know I have always been an atheist..." As Valar's face resembled absolute cluelessnes I went on "An atheist is a person who decided for themselves that there is no god or goddess. That the universe is a cold and cruel place without - to use Christianity as an example - the comfort of believing in a better place after death and redemption by some oh so loving and caring god. Yes that loving and caring that he allows humanity to develop bombs which shockwaves are measurable three times around earth... Eh, you see why the concept of god doesn't work for me."

Oh, dammit I had forgotten about Death's ideas about belief...

"STRANGE. HUMANS NEED BELIEF. THE PLACE..."

I cut off Death. Yes. I don't know what overcame me back then, but I cut him off.

"...where the falling angel meets the rising ape, yes. But I just can't get that belief stuff, you know? Sometimes I really wish I could believe, in situations like this. Whenever I wish there was some higher meaning to life, whenever I wish I could hope for something to intervene and help me out of the one or another misery. Like when we had to euthanize our dog, I just wanted to be able to believe that there was a purpose to that or that I'd meet Fluffy again. But I can't, my mind relies too much on logic and sciences."  
Sometimes it really is frustrating to be a human based on, yeah, logic and sciences, those, who are able to believe look at you as a pagan and heretic and can't understand, how one can't be able to believe. And those, who simply chose to not believe, they regard you as crazy, because you'd want to believe. My solution? Don't explain, why you don't believe to anyone, except maybe when you are talking to Death and a deity.

_Eh? I'm not really discussing religion and atheism with DEATH? Oh, I fear I am. Odd. I should try to change the subject._

"We should really come back to our real problem." _Wow, has Valar read my thoughts? _

"You have two options for now: Firstly, start believing in the power of us Valar and our creator Illúvatar. Secondy, start believing in rebirth on Discworld. More I can't offer for now. But rest assured that I will continue to think about your situation here."

Somehow that put me truly at ease. I felt a lot calmer than before. Maybe it had something to do with conversing with a god or god-like being and Death himself. Yet I was neither really convinced nor was I sure which option I'd choose or whether I'd wait for a third or maybe fourth option.

So I spoke again after a some time of silence: "Do I have to decide right now? Or can I contemplate that a while longer? I mean, you even told me, that you'll think more about it, so maybe there'll be more options? And if I decided right now, I could not decide for one of them, right?" _Damn! Did I really just sound that insecure or did I just imagine that?_

"You may take your time. This is, after all, not something that should be taken lightly. Consider your options and choose wisely. But keep in mind, it won't be too long. Soon everything will be over and you shall be free again from your task."

At that time I thanked him, yes I thanked him, for reassuring me, for trying to offer me something.

But now? Oh, if only I had thought about that earlier!

About what? You, dear reader, might ask yourself and I am more than willing to tell you:

Soon.

What does 'soon' mean?

A) Soon, as in 'at once' as in 'right damn now!'

B) Soon, as in 'without undue time lapse' as in 'not much time until then'

I took version A) of 'Soon' Valar however took version B) of 'soon'.

When talking of two humans, that might not mean much of a difference.

However, when talking to an entity that was there even before the ground humans - and dwarves, elves, hobbits, orcs and you know how to go on for that matter - walk on even existed, then 'without undue time lapse' has an altogether different meaning!

I just didn't know.

But soon - oh, there it is again, that _word_ - I'd know. _Soon_ I'd be running right into the time-span Valar meant with _soon_.

Oh, how I hate that bloody word by now!

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Quoting famous words once again: That's all, folks!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Hey theeeeeereee! I hope that the one or another will still stumble over this chapter. And I'm really sorry.

Disclaimer: Meh, still not dead! Still no ownage!

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Time finally went on and I nearly fell down to the floor. I had been flying, when Death and Valar had ripped me from the normal time-stream and I hadn't remembered that. So naturally gravity took hold of me and I lost a bit of altitude before I remembered finally to use my wings.  
Unfortunately Lord Elrond noticed exactly that.

"Are you alright?"

_Just don't say yes or err no or well ah anything - meh. Just answer_

"Ahm" I laughed nervously "Well, uhm, I am just impressed by everything here. This whole architecture and all those books and everything, so that I simply forgot to continue flying. I apologize for appearing uhm to be not alright..., my Lord."

Sometimes I'm just a horrible liar, eh, maybe that had something to with standing in front of a thousands of years old elven Lord. Not everyone, after all, is as vain and insolent as Mary. Mary SUE.

_Damn! Had we been finished talking or had he just asked me something? I don't know! Argh! Dammit! Come on, Lil! Think! Urgh, I'm getting senile... and I am not even twenty!_

"May I leave?" I asked, hoping I hadn't done that before. Yet again forgetting, that I should never hope, since fate - that little bugger - hated me for reasons I don't understand. The result was a slightly bemused elven Lord.

"Why do you ask? I just gave you permission to leave." _Oh... whoops..._  
"Oh? Really? You know,..." I decided to use the bad lie again "...the architecture and books and uhm.. stuff drew off my attention and so maybe I didn't notice or forget immediately again. Thank you" I laughed again nervously. I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me - damn was I embarrassed!

So I took my leave and decided to take a long walk - err, flight through Rivendell's gardens.

/_/_/_/

I have been in many parks, forests and whatever names humans invented for little patches of nature, but nothing could compare to the beauty of Rivendell.

I found myself a nice bush to sit under and simply be content that I did not have to care about Mary for now. Yes, when babysitting a Mary-Sue one had to savour each second of peace and beauty. So I let my thoughts drift and wander about and did not notice anything but the clear blue sky and the vast and lush gardens.

Well, that was until something crash landed nearly atop of me. _Damn it! If that's Mary, I'll skin her alive! No matter the 'No-brute-force-rule.'_

Alas, Mary was lucky. It was not her, but... I did not believe my eyes at first.

Now, here's the point I got that 'soon' was not the same thing to me as it was to Valery, ahm Valar.

You see it was a little boy that very nearly managed to smash me into a pulp and thus doom all Middle-Earth to the 'Curse of the Sue'.

"Uh-oh, mother will not be pleased." The troublemaker uttered, bright grey eyes studying a long tear in his tunic.

'Errrr... please don't let that be who I fear it is!' I thought desperately.

His eyes turned now to the creature he had missed by not even inches, namely me. Curiosity shone brightly in his eyes as he asked: "What are you?"

_Ahm, yes, very valid question. I just hope you are more intelligent than Mary and - wait, what am I thinking? A stone is more intelligent than Mary!_ "I am a fairy. And who are you, young man?"

"A real life fairy? Like in tales?" If it was anyhow possible the boy's eyes got even brighter.

"Yes, only I don't fulfill wishes, I offer advice. What is your name?"

Frowning slightly continued questioning me: "You give advice? What kind of advice?"

_Eh? What kind of advice could you give a child?_ I decided for stuff my mother continuously nagged me with.

"For example, eat your vegetables, so that you get tall and strong, dress in warm clothes in winter, else you'll get ill and you wouldn't want that. Don't talk to stra... err forget that last one...Brush your teeth, take a bath... at least once in a while. Show your manners. Use cutlery. You musn't eat noodle soup with your fingers." I paused for a moment, since the boy seemed stunned and horrified at once, maybe I'd now get his name, though I already had a very, very strong suspicion. "Does that satisfy your curiosity?" He nodded. "Great! So would you now please tell me your name?"

_Don't, don't, just don't say..._

"Estel!"

_Did he really just say...? Yes, of course. Eh! Valery! I hate you just so you know!_ I thought grimly.

"Nice to meet you, Estel. I am.. Belle. Might I ask how old you are?" _No older than ten, maximum!_

Estel, using both his hands to envision his age, beamed: "I am seven and a half!"

I resigned. _Seven... and a half... that makes only seventy-nine years to go til the War of the Ring. Great._

"Can you give me another advice?" Estel's hopeful voice made me snap out of my brooding.  
"That depends. What is the matter you need help with?"

He looked slightly sheepish: "Mother forbade me to run in the gardens. And now I have torn my tunic. She'll be really angry."

Oh yeah, stuff like that had happened often enough to me, not only when I had been younger... There was always the option of telling truth, but most of the time that didn't make parents to grant amnesty, then again one could invent some harebrained lie. Yeah, I remembered one from when I had been, what? Eight? Nine? I had told my mother that a tiger had jumped out of the river and I had took to my feet and that was when I tripped over some root or another, luckily the tiger had decided by then, that it needed water to live in and had turned around... My bad, that tigers didn't live in rivers and even worse there had not been any river in sight...

"Can you help me now or not?" The little boy sounded somewhat impatient. Maybe I had been lost in that memory for quite some time.

"Uhm are there any rivers near?"

"But of course! Why?"

It hadn't worked with me back than...

"Nevermind. You should tell her truth..."

Forgetting all his manners he interrupted me: "But she'll be angry and I won't get dessert. And she'll be disappointed."

I nearly cringed when he used puppy dog eyes on me, saying: "Please."

_No! Withstand it! Your will is stronger... you can..resist? Ah! Forget it, Lil!_

"Alright. I'm a fairy and you have to admit, that's fairly unusual, right?" He nodded consent. "Great. So you were talking a very, **very** peaceful walk through these beautiful gardens and went to - why could you have been near this bush? Right - have a sniff of these beautiful blossoms, this bush has. That's when I suddenly flew out of it and, since I had overlooked you, directly into your face. Are you following me?"

Estel beamed with joy: "Yes! I was very good when you surprised me, right?"

I couldn't really hide a grin: "Exactly, Estel! You were that surprised that you lost your balance and - alas! - you tore your tunic at some branch or another of this beautiful bush. And of course, as well-beaved as I am, I apologized profoundly and offered to explain the whole situation to your mother." I twinkled at him.

Estel grinned broadly, mischief clearly sparkling in his eyes.

"But, Estel!" I interjected now "You should at least try to look not that happy, it was after all one of your favourite tunics with which you'd always be careful in order to have it for a lot of more years!"

Now Estel looked as if he'd cry any moment and I laughed: "Not that unhappy! Or well, no, that's perfectly fine!"

He beamed again: "Great! Let's find my mother!"

"Wait a moment! Promise me to never tell anyone, that this is uhm a slightly bended truth, alright?"

"Belle, I promise that not a word shall be known." He grinned.

I sat down on his shoulder and at his bewildered glance I told him: "It's more comfortable."

Estel started to run down the path he had come from. "Stop, Estel!" I shouted at him and confused he stopped. Then I continued "You cannot run to your mother, when she directly forbade you to run, can you? Don't forget you have already torn your favourised tunic!"

"Right! Thank you!" He said and then took off again at a more well-behaved pace.

"I like you, Belle" Little Estel stated then at some point. _Yes, of course you like me, I have after all just spared you - or rather will spare - a lecture about behaving and listening to your parents. Those are the most boring ones._

/_/_/_/

It was not hard to find Gilraen. She was sitting in a chair and did some embroidery, several threads were lying in front of her on a table.

Estel put on a face that could easily have riveld my brothers 'Sorry-mom-I-really-didn't-want-to-get-in-trouble-again-and-it-is-absolutely-not-my-fault-that-it-found-me'-face.

Oh, yes my brother had really mastered that art long ago. I remember christmas when I had been eleven, he just about seven. He had been really clumsy back then and so our parents would not allow him to help decorate the tree. He had been very upset and when my mother had to go out again because she had forgotten to buy some stuff and my father had been busy with some choir. My brother had taken a chain of lights to put in on the tree. Unfortunately he had gotten his foot stuck in the very same chain he had been carrying, sending him directly into the tree. The added weight'd untipped the tree's balance and both tumbled down. The tree ahd went crashing into the TV. And if that had not been enough already my brother had not managed to simply land on the floor, or at least on only one present, he somehow had actually managed to smash nearly every present lying beneath the tree. When our father had then came rushing in he just looked up, putting on exactly that face: "Daddy! I'm so sorry! It was an accident. I tripped over my own feet. I just wanted to get some cookies and then I tripped. I'm so sorry!" And what had been best... It had worked!

I got sidetracked again, didn't I? Sorry.

So Estel looked absolutely innocent and his mother not an ounce pleased.

"Did you run in the gardens again?" _Oh, so it has not been the first time._

"No, naneth, it really was not my fault, that's true! I promise!" Gilraen sighed at that. _Seemingly often said words..._

Nonetheless I interjected, after all I had more or less promised...

"It really is not Estel's fault, milady." She seemed bewildered for a moment and surprised, before she spied me.

"And you might be?" She inquired slightly amused.

"I am Belle, an advice fairy. Unfortunately I startled your son, when he had sniffed on some flowers on a bush and he fell directly into it. So you see, it really was not his fault and I apologize now to you as well about making Estel fall and damage his tunic." I gave my best to sound serious and sorry at the same time. Seemingly it worked.

"It's not that bad, Belle. Mistakes happen." She smiled gently.

Estel pouted: "Then why would I have been lectures again, if it's not that bad?"

I laughed, that was just a sight! The future king of Gondor and Arnor pouting!

"I think there is a lot of reason behind that, Estel." I told him. When I glanced at Gilraen, whether to go on or not, she nodded.  
"You would have gotten in trouble, because you would have disobeyed. That would have been the point in lecturing you. I however did not disobey anything and merely and accidentally surprise you. It was a mere accident as you know yourself, Estel." I really had to struggle hard to remain serious and not to twinkle at Estel.

"Belle is right, Estel." His mother said, ruffling his hair "This was an accident, however had you ran again against my wish, it would have been predictable."

Estel didn't really seem convinced, but since he had gotten out of that without being lectured he let it slip.

"Have you ever met a fairy, naneth?" He asked curiously.

"No, but it is an interesting meeting." She answered then she turned to me: "What do fairies do all day?"

His torn clothes totally forgotten, the sevenyearold jumped at inquiring me as well. "Yes! What do you eat! Hmm, you're so small! Do you eat at all?"

_Oh, crap! I have a real problem now! I have no ideas about fairies!_

This ignorance made me rely on some lies, once again and babble a bit before coming to answer.

"Uhm, at first I shall answer your mother's question, for she asked firstly. It would be impolite not to. And you know that manners are very important." I couldn't quite hide the grin that threatened to overtake my features. And so Estel looked once more rather mischievous, knowing that I wasn't that caring about stuff like that. "As for the things fairies do all day, we all have our tasks to fulfill. "

_In my case that's sitting a stupid Sue so that you all may live in a world where having a brain is not viewed as treason..._

"I am an advice fairy, so my task is to offer advice. Sometimes a fairy gets assigned a protégé, in my case that's Lady Mary Sue." I very nearly cringed at the combination of that name and title.

"I don't like her." Estel complained "She's so noisy and just cares about herself. And she is arrogant." _Hey, future king, I just like you more and more..._

"Estel!" His mother was not only slightly exasperated "It is really not polite to say such things about a person you don't know.

"But it's true! I have met her already!" He slightly whined. And I just could not supress a muttered: "Oh, how right you are."

Unfortunately, that was heard by both, mother and son.

"You see? Even Belle thinks so!"

"Ahm, yeah, uh..." I continued stammering for a while until I was interrupted by Gilraen: "Why were you assigned to watch over her?"

"Well,..." _Dammit! Why ever could I...? Yeah!_ "...that's pretty much the reason. She is so centered around herself, that she needs guidance to loose these character traits. It is to make her nicer and more likeable."

"Now answer my question!" Estel pretty much demanded "What do you eat?"

Well that was easy to be answered: "I am sorry, Estel, to have forgotten your questions. Of course, fairies need to eat to sustain themselves. And our food doesn't diverge too much from yours." In that second the picture of a meat-eating fairy popped into my mind... Why oh why did it have to be so very unfitting? "Only we eat berries and fruit and such things, no meat." I mentally sighed. _Now I am forced to live as a vegetarian... and I can't imagine something better than a nicely grilled steak, that's so mean!_

"So you have never eaten any meat?" I shook my head "How can you know then, that you don't like it?" I was slightly baffled "Mother always says that you first have to try something, before you can refuse it. And always with yucky vegetables." The boy complained

"I don't know. But can you imagine a fairy to go hunting?" At that it was Estel's turn to shake his head and his mother seemed to be amused about our conversation.

"No I can't, but you really should try it sometime! I know! You can have some of mine when there's lunch!" He beamed at me_. Yay! I love you, Estel! I don't have to live vegetarian! _Not that I had something against vegetarians, it was just that I really couldn't imagine living completly without eating meat.

"Thank you, that would really be nice. Who knows, maybe I'll like it." I smiled in an attempt to be polite, yet restraining me from trying to cuddle him - trying due to my height.

* * *

All for nowOooh evil Valar to put poor Lilian eighty years before the War and claim it to be soon!_  
_


	10. Chapter 10

Hey there! Sorry for the prolonged absence... I'm really sorry...

Disclaimer: *double checks* Nope not dead, so definitly not the owner of anything in there, well except for Lilian and *shudders* Mary... come on guys... anyone of you wants to own Mary? Just tell me! You can have her! Pleaaase!

Uhm yeah... *clears her throat* anyways let's go on!

* * *

I talked a lot with Estel and when it was time for lunch I sat, well, beside his plate and he shared with me, as I needed not much to eat with this stupid, little fairy body.

I was really stuffed after some tiny pieces of Estel's vegetables and meat, I cannot really specify the latter as I have no idea what kind of, it tasted like vension.

The young boy seemed bewildered by the little amount and told me: "Nana says I have to eat a lot of vegetables to grow tall and strong! Now I know that she is right! And I know why you are so little, maybe you should eat more, then you would grow taller and not stay so small."

I laughed and said: "No, we fairies don't grow taller and I'm satisfied. If I ate much more, I would get fat." I didn't even know whether that was true. "And then I'd be too fat to fly." _Yeah, like a bumble-bee... according to all laws of physics and aerodynamics a bumble-bee cannot fly, good thing none ever told them that._

After lunch Gilraen told her son to take nap and just as every seven-year-old he uhm opposed the idea rather strongly.

"But I'm really not tired and sleeping during the day is for babies!" The boy whined and I grinned. His mother however seemed quite annoyed, so I supposed that this conversation was held on a daily basis.

"Estel, you are supposed to listen to me, I am your mother! And you have to take a nap." _Sounds a lot like my mum..._

"You don't go to sleep, so why should I?" To emphasize his point, he crossed his arms.

"You are still a child, and children need a lot more sleep than adults. It's because you are still growing." _Should I explain the thing with growth hormones that are produced during sleep or is that too scientific?_

"Hey, how about I keep you company?" I chipped in. Both of them stared at me for a second, before deciding that it was a good compromise.

And so I went with Estel to his room.

Despite his claim to be not tired he fell asleep rather quickly once he was lying in his bed. And I stayed awake and pondered about my new situation:

I was stuck in Middle-Earth, with Mary. That far I had already got it, as well as the part with cleaning up her mess. But now there was this new point of her having about eighty years to wreak havoc.

It was alike to a ship with an obstacle in its course. There were two options:

Number one: The obstacle is noticed nearly too late, thus the course has to be changed drastically in order to avoid collision.

Number two: The obstacle is noticed very early, thus the course has barely to be changed.

So if Mary had been sent here a day or two before the Fellowship set out, she would have had to, what do I know, to get one of them killed or something like that, something drastic.

However this was eighty years prior, so she had to do only something subtle and everything would go awry!

Let's just say she talked at lenght with Bilbo when he comes through Imladris with those dwarves and Gandalf and she convinces him that he should go home. Bilbo goes home, never finds that damn ring, Gollum keeps it, the Nazgûl find Gollum and bring the ring to Sauron, that equals all is lost.

Or she keeps flirting with Legolas on that level. He'll know that she resides in Imladris and send someone else in his place to bring the message of Gollum's escape. Legolas won't go with the Fellowship and hell knows what happens!

Or it's I that changes everything by talking and interacting with Estel! Maybe I accidentally change his point of view of anything, maybe he'll adopt my thoughts about life and humanity in general - uh-oh that wouldn't be good - or I mess with his education or something like that!

The possibilities to bring Middle-Earth's end are, haha, endless! And just because it is eighty years until the war will happen! The slightest change, what am I thinking about? Everything is already changed! Mary is here and so am I. We naturally interact with others. We had naturally brought already changes, may they be for better or for worse will have to show.

I sighed. It just was to tear my hair.

Going into hiding was no option due to Mary.  
Not cleaning up after her would result in chaos.  
Cleaning up after her could result in even more chaos.

So what was I supposed to do? I glanced at the peacefully sleeping boy. Maybe that was the answer. Sleep on it and everything will look different, when I wake up.

I flew over to Estel's bed and lay down besides his pillow.

/_/_/_/

When I woke up again, I glanced into two curious grey eyes. It startled me... A lot! Enough, in fact, that I somehow managed to fall off the bed.

The owner of said set of eyes giggled a bit, before his curiosity came back.

'Who is Valery?'

"Eh? Valery? Uhm... why?" I asked back, my mind reeling whoever Valery could be, did I know a Valery?

"You were talking in your sleep." _I had talked in my sleep? Valery, Valery, Valery, Vale... Valar. Urk..._

"What did I say about Valery?" I grinned nervously.

"You said something like ' If I'll ever get the chance, I'll strangle Valery for this' - nana says I musn't say that word, but you said it and I'm only repeating - 'shit and then I'll roast Valery on a very hot grill.' You really have to be angry at her. What did she do?" How could I tell him, that I had be talking about one of Middle-Earth's gods?

"Uhm, you see... Valery is something like the leader of us fairies. And she assigned me the job of looking after Mary and I really really do not like this task at all." _Not quite the truth but not quite a lie either._

Estel pulled a face: "I don't like her either. I met her already. She ran after a blonde elf I have never seen before and then she ran right into me. Then she yelled at me! But she ran into me! She didn't even watch where she was running! Yet she claimed I had ruined her clothing and hairstyle. I don't like her." _Good choice, Estel, good choice._ "Why did Valery pick you? Did you do something? And what kind of name is Valery? Are all fairies female?"

I was really flabbergasted. So many questions at once! But that's the way of children, always wanting to know everything. And what's a better way to learn, than simply asking?

"Uhm, well, yes." I told Estel and twinkled then "Don't tell anyone, this shall stay only between the two of us, alright?" Estel nodded eagerly. It was easy to see that he was enthusiastic about sharing a second secret with me on the same day. "Good. It is more or less a punishment. You see, I'm not yet really an adult fairy." I winced slightly at that, it just sounded stupid, but Estel didn't seem to mind at all. "I uhm played a prank... on Valery. Of course she wasn't thrilled at that and so she gave me the worst possible task she could come up with. Of course that was not the official reason. Officially I have to do this to prove that I won't give up even on the worst cases. Valery is quite a common name among..." _Valars_, I thought but said "... fairies. And not not all fairies are female" Should I tell him about reproducing or not? Uhm I think I'll get in trouble with his mother if I do...

The boy craned his neck: "Do you have to take naps, too?"

I blinked surprised: "No. Why do you ask?"

The answer came prompt: "Because you slept! I wouldn't go to sleep during the day, if nana didn't tell me to. I could be outside and playing!"

I smiled at him: "Sometimes a nap can be quite refreshing and change your view on some things. Were you ever told to sleep on something? I mean a decision or an opinion or something like that."

He shook his head, well, he was only seven. There were 'other' reasons to send him to sleep...

"Well... I fear I should go looking after Mary." Now it was my time to pull a face and Estel gave me a sympathetic glance.

"Should I come with you?" He asked me then. _Would be nice, but no... no need to send him to the lion's den..._

"Thank you for offering, but you don't have to bear her presence. I fear she'll stay here long enough. See you soon!" _Yeah about eighty years..._

Somehow, even though Estel's offer had been sincere, he seemed relieved, very relieved. So I just waved at him and left to search for Mary.

/_/_/_/

I heard a lot of pledges of eternal love and decided to simply follow them, but it appeared to me, that everyone who saw Mary just turned into a mindless and braindead idiot. Why? I saw several elves pledging eternal love to various objects. For example a tree. Well, okay maybe that could be remotly possible, not likely, but not absolutly impossible. But then there was an elf hugging a candle holder, another kissing a vase, that guy obviously took being an aficionado too seriously... or got it wrong. And finally we had the most braindead of all... he, whoever he was, was dancing with a broomstick calling it "her" and "the most beautiful lady I have ever seen." I decided to quickly move on but I still could overhear him asking "her" to marry him...

I sighed. Okay finding Mary was not as easy as I had thought.

I should correct that. It WAS easy... well at least as soon as I saw a blonde elf dashing away from... wait... that's not the dress Mary wore before. It was absolutely horrible at least in my opinion... You all know Princess Peach from Mario? Take that dress and make it more flouncy and the pink a neon-pink... I don't know where the hell she had that colour from! It shouldn't be possible to make such a colour, not even with modern sciences!

Yet I decided to follow them. That was hard, I can tell you! Legolas is very fast by nature, he's an elf and a warrior, an archer! He's bound to be fast! But now, being chased by Mary, he was even faster than I could imagine anyone to be. And Mary, well, it has to have something to do with being a Mary-Sue. Damn those Sues and their authors! I swear should I ever get my hands on a suethor I'll... I'll... I can't even think of an adequate horrible and painful death!

* * *

Sorry guys that's all for now (again)... See you!


	11. Chapter 11

So guys next chapter! And, dread it, Mary is back!

Disclaimer: *double checks* Nope neither dead, nor male, nor genius. *sighs* Except for Mary and Lilian I own absolutely nothing. Come on, I know, one of you wants to have Mary, you really can have her!

* * *

So when I finally caught up with the two of them, and damn that took a while, Legolas sat on a tree. Okay, that itself was not really unusual or strange or me But what was strange, was Mary standing beneath said tree.

"Oh, my eternal beloved, why won't you come down from the tree and kiss me?" Mary cooed.

"Never!" Legolas sounded utterly horrified.

"Oh, I knew you love me as well!" She seemed to hear only what she wanted.

"Begone, creature of Sauron!"

"I would come up to you, love, but it'd ruin my nails! So come down and kiss me." _Okay maybe I should finally interfere..._

"Lady Mary!" I still cringed at saying that "There you are! I searched for you for so long!" _Yeah in order to kill you... Damn you, Valery! No brute force!_

"What do you need me for, fairy? Why do you interrupt me and Leggie?" Stupy looked at me, pouting, and I glanced up at Legolas, motioning to him that I'd distract Mary long enough for him to flee. He looked quite thankful, but I really didn't know how to distract her.

"Uhm, you see, my fairest Lady of all," She giggled at that and it took all my self control not to vomit. "I ahm... well... ahm... it's really embarassing to ask this..."

"You're stealing my time, fairy, and that of my beloved!" She spat and I had an idea, I really, really hated. I swallowed thickly.

"Lady Mary, I'm not sure how to ask this..." _Yeah, I really don't know..._ "I need your advice concerning my, uhm, my hairstyle." There! It was out! You may laugh, but it was the only thing I could think about. But, oh, how I dreaded the consequences!

"Your hairstyle?" _Okay, she's now going to ask whether that's truly a sufficient reason to bother her, while she's with her beloved... maybe in a bit less eloquent way, but still._

"It's good you came to me!" _WHAT?_ "You know! I'd have to talk to you about that, if you'd continue to stay with me, but you have really learned already from me! Looks are everything!" She babbled. "Come with me! We'll take care of that! And while we're at it, I'll teach you how to do your nails, or better I'll teach some of those lazy maids and then we'll get a manicure and pedicure! Oh, that's going to be so much fun! And you'll have to tell me about your crushes! How many boyfriends did you have? And how did you drop them?"  
Mary started to walk towards the main buildings of Rivendell and still continued babbling on: "And I'll have to teach you how do dress properly! You can't wear the same clothes day after day! You need a total makeover! Oh, that'll be so much fun! And oh so you need hairstyle, manicure, pedicure, clothes and makeup! Oh, you SO need makeup! Come on! Hurry!" She grabbed me, not by the hand, or arm or anything, no! She just grabbed me! Damn that fairybody!

Now she ran towards Rivendell. "Oh, that's so much fun!" And I struggled for breath! Damn Mary!

So I tried to pry her grab at least a bit more loose and thus I failed to notice my surroundings...

"Oh, my! Look! Look, fairy!" In my mind I screamed 'I HAVE A NAME!' "They look like the same!" _...WHAT? THE SAME? Oh, shit!..._

I looked to where she pointed. And yupp, I want to kill myself or Mary, there walked Elladan and Elrohir. _Three, two, one..._

"Hello, sweeties! I'm the beautifullest and intelligenst Lady you have ever seen!" She giggled. "My name is Mary, any of you want so show me the way to the uhm the eeeerr.. the place where to clothes are made?"

I closed my eyes and hated my job once again as much as possible!

When I reopened my eyes, both Elladan and Elrohir had the same look that I had seen on Legolas' face in the woods earlier.

Elladan, or maybe Elrohir - how the hell should I tell them apart? - stood directly in front of her and spoke first: "Oh, fair lady!" He cried out. "Let me show you the way!"

Elrohir, or maybe Ellad... okay! The second one! The second one shoved the first one aside and interrupted: "NO! Let me show you the way! I can see better how beautiful you are!"

The first one now grabbed the second one by the shoulders: "How dare you! She asked me!"

Mary giggled. I groaned, more work for me.

The second one looked now downright furious: "How dare I? She asked me! And you try to take the love of my live from me! How can you, brother?"

I cleared my throat, it was high time I intervened: "Ahm, guys, listen. Why don't you simply both lead the way? I mean, hey, you're twins and I guess normally you'd stick together no matter what!"

They both turned to me and the dumbest look had replaced once again the anger.

"But she asked me!" The first one said confused.

"How dare you! She asked me!" The second one interjected again, turning angry again.

_Gods dammit! Here we go again! This is going to be a very long day._

"No! She asked me!" The first one once again.

"No! She definitly meant me!" They both looked ready to fight each other.

Mary still giggled and seemed to be pleased by the effect she had on the twins.

"Okay, guys! Now CALM DOWN! Godsdammit!" I shouted at top of my... very tiny lungs... "Lady Mary, such is not the sight for a proper lady, why don't you take a prolonged walk in the gardens? Just while these two discover, who of them is worthy of showing you the way." I was so annoyed, but had to try to not show it.

Mary seemed to think for a moment, but then she declared: "Oh yeah! I'll be back, sweeties." She giggled and walked off.

Said 'sweeties' immediately returned to their very mature quarrel of "me!" "No, me!" "No, me!", only that these two toddlers wanted to go to fistfight each other again.

They had each other grabbed by the collar and claiming to be the only one worthy of the love of that beautifulst lady.

Hell, if this was an anime, you'd be able to see a vein throbbing on my forehead, but as this is fucking reality you can't.

"HELL! CAN'T YOU STICK AT LEAST SLIGHTLY TO CANnnnnnnnn..." _What the hell?_

They both looked at me taken aback.

"Hey! Why can't I say cannnn... cann... Hell, what is this?"

Their confused looks just increased in their amount of confusion.

"Come on! Hey, Valery!" I shouted turning to the sky. "If this is once again one of your tricks or stuff, then I'll quit! I should be able to say a simple word! CANnnnn... See, Valery? I can't say cannnn...!"

"What is it, that you try to say?" _Asked first one? Second one? Hell! This day just gets worse, I lost track of who of them said what._

"I want to say the word 'cannnn...'... see? It doesn't work!" I'm quite sure that I must have either appeared to be horrified, despaired or uhm yeah simply insane.

"How shall we decide who of us will help Lady Mary?" One of the twins - yeah! I don't know which one! - said.

"What?" I shouted at them. "Hell, I have bigger problems than your stupidity! You are brothers, twins even! You're supposed to stick together! Hell in many stories you are portrayed as somewhat the equivalent of the Weasley twins! Yeah I know that's not the word I want to say, but made up by fans, but still!" I was ranting not really thinking about what I was saying. "You shouldn't fight over a stupid Mary-Sue! That's further from cannn.. - dammit - than anything I could ever imagine! And hell I am absolutely sure that your sister Arwen is so much more beautiful than this stupid creature of idiocity!"

"How dare you insult the Lady Mary in such a way?" Both shouted simultanously at me.

"Okay! Now at least you are unified again, against me but still! So listen! That girl is a Mary-Sue, that's the most evil creature you can imagine! More evil than Sauron himself! She bewitches anyone without noticing that or hell maybe she does notice, but doesn't care, I don't know!"

"Lady Mary is so beautiful! She could never be evil!" Unison again.

"How the hell is beauty related to good or evil? There's no equivalence!" I shouted. And stopped. I don't know where the idea came from, but suddenly it was there.

Valery had said there was a means to disspell Mary's infatuation. It would be tiring. I couldn't say 'canon', I could think it, but I couldn't say it. You get what's my idea?

I returned from my thoughts only to see the twins an inch away from fighting each other... again.

"Come ON, GUYS!" I gathered my whole concentration and determination. "BECOME CANnnnnnNON again! And STAY CANnnnNON!" _Hey, it has worked! I have said it!_

The twins blinked in unison. I yawned and blinked as well. Hell, I was tired.

They let go of each other, looking horrified and confused.

"What did just happen?" One of them asked. "Why would I fight Elrohir?" _Ah, so that one is Elladan._

"Elladan! I'm sorry, brother!" Elrohir cried out.

"Uhm, guys, I guess I should enlighten the two of you. Well, what just happened was the curse of the Sue." I started.

"That girl! She was the cause! And what are you?" Damn, I had again forgotten who of them it was... again... I yawned again.

"Yes, exactly, that girl. And I am a fairy. Well, at least right now. Normally I'm a normal human girl called Lilian. Back to Mary. Mary is, as I said a Mary-Sue, don't bother with the same name stuff. Mary-Sues infatuate pretty much anything with a pulse and make them thus brain-dead giggle-zombies. Just like you where a moment earlier. I already talked to your father about that. Luckily she was unable to infatuate him, but you unfourtunately fell both under her spell. You tried fighting each other about the privilege of showing her the way to the tailor." I babbled now myself, a very sure sign that I'm tired, my mind shuts off, but my mouth keeps working.

"Infatuation? Zombies? What is a zombie? Why are you a fairy now, if you are actually human?" A twin asked. They seemed even more bewildered than before I started explaining. I yawned and sat down on the twin's shoulder, that had just said something.

"Yeah. Zombie, you know, like in zombie, undead, you know? Those who walk but don't think... Maybe aside from 'braaaaaaaaaains', you know?" I giggled, feeling very, very drowsy. "You know what would be funny? If Mary walked around searching for 'braaaaaaaaaaaaains'. Wouldn't that be funny?" I giggled, just before slumping against the twins head and falling fast asleep.

* * *

That's all once again! I know the last two chapters have been shorter than those before, I don't really know why, maybe because it worked as an ending where it ended.


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry, sorry, sorry! I'm always so damn busy with stuff for university *sighs* I knew studying would be a lot of work, but not THAT much! *glares at professors*

* * *

Bored I sat at Elrond's once secret council. Mary pronounced that she would love to accompany the Fellowship of the Ring, but was afraid she could ruin the plot. However the Fellowship argued that she soooo had to come with them, who else could be able to make everything turn out fine?

There was a sudden flash of light. For a second I thought that it had been Gandalf, too annoyed by the rest of his companions and Mary, but no.

In the middle of the council, where up to now had been to podest with the Ring... WHERE THE HECK HAD THE RING GONE? WHERE IS THIS DAMN RING?

"I am Gary Stu."

Huh?

I guess I must have voiced my rather unintelligent confusion.

"Gary Stu! Mary Sue's brother!" I looked at the boy. Yupp, could be Mary Stupid's brother, same eye colour, but different hair colour, most likely simply, because he didn't dye it...

"What do you want, Gary Stu...?"...pid. The last part I only thought.

"Gary! They want me to go on their quest thingy! But I could break a nail!" Mary whined.

"Don't worry, dearest sister! I shall go in your place." Why the heck was he talking in that way? "I shall return peace to this world..." he paused in his speech "...uhm... that is at war!"

Elrond shot up from his seat proclaiming: "You have to be truly valiant to take such a burden on you!"

"I surely am! Though I was not raised to be. It seems to be in my bloodline." He announced and Elrond took a closer look at him.

"I cannot believe my eyes!" And hence I thought elves had very keen eyes... "Surely you can't be who I think you to be!"

"He's my brother! And nearly as perfect as I am!" Mary declared snippy.

"He might not be your brother by blood, if he is who I think it is. Gandalf could it be?" Elrond asked, turning to the Istari.

"Maybe you could be right, my friend." The wizard said thoughtfully and I wanted to strangle both elven Lord and old man.

Out of nowhere Arwen walked right into the commonly known council of Elrond. Gary's and Arwen's eyes met. Sickeningly romantic music was to be heard. Everyone stopped breathing including me, though that was because I was trying very hard not to empty my stomach. And gloriously I won the valiant battle against my dreadful foe.

The two of them clasped hands. And pledged, oh what a surprise, eternal love. Damn! Why am I surrounded by idiots?

"But my father will never allow our love!" Arwen exclaimed, disregarding the fact that her father was just a few feet away from her.

"If Gary is who I think he is, I shall allow your love, my daughter. I think he is, no he has to be the real heir of Isildur! First-born of Arathorn and Gilraen, he disappeared through Saruman's magic. But now in times of dire need, he returned to us. Gary is the rightful heir to Gondor's and Rohan's crown."

"But he," at that Gary pointed at Aragorn, "is going to be jealous of me! And surely he'll try to get rid of me, to get Arwen's love back and get to be king!"

Aragorn interjected: "I would never do such a thing! I didn't want to be a king! I wanted to be... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree, the fir, the larch, the mighty Scots pine...!"

/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

I shot up and screamed. And screamed. And screamed. And took breath. And screamed some more.

Until one of the twins burst into - I stopped screaming -... the room? I wasn't outside? This was not the not-so-secret council of Elrond?

"What is wrong?" Twin number whatever asked.

"Why would he sing the Lumberjack song?" I blurted out.

"What?" The elf's expression mirrored mine, when Gary had entered in my drea.. nightmare.

I turned bright red. "Oh, uhm... never mind! Ahm, yeah. Sorry. Just a really weird, confusing and scaring nightmare. I don't want Mary to have a brother!"

The elf gave me a wry glance. "No I did neither lose my mind nor sprout another two or three heads, so there's no need for you to look at me as if I had!"

At this the elf laughed. Damn him! I pouted. Yes, that's it! I pouted! I really had to have lost my mind! Gone straight over the edge! My former statement had been made null and void.

"You know," I told him "I think I just went insane and they stuffed me into a padded cell with a 'love-myself'-jacket. And you and Mary and that stupid Gary from my dream! You all are nothing then mere figments of my imagination! But want to know something else? I don't give a damn! I even kinda LIKE this illusion! Yes, I hate Mary and Gary, but I kinda like you and the others that are supposed to be here! I know I have to mess up everything, but it doesn't matter, right?" The Elrondion made an attempt to speak, but I continued ranting "See, it's all merely my mind conjuring images up, so it doesn't matter. Sure as hell I'll continue to clean up after Mary, but only because I want to, or rather because I don't want to have an illusion of a person I detest ruin the illusion of a world I have dreamt going to!"

"You are changing your mind swiftly! You just claimed to be not insane and the next instant you claim the exact opposite. What is it now?" He asked me with a funny mixture of amusement and confusion.

"Oh, let me put it this way: In reality I have gone utter nuts, but inside my dream, inside of this," I said and waved my arms around to emphasize my point, "I am completely sane and determined to fulfill my fuc... ahm my task." I grinned broadly at him. "So any ideas where Mary is? I really don't need a repeat of my dream inside a dream."

"Of course I know where it is. However I think you should first speak with my father." He sounded concerned, hopefully not for me! What am I? Mary-Sue 2.0? Mary-Sue: Reloaded? He's not supposed to be concerned about me, hell, he shouldn't care about me, even if this was just some odd dream I decided to treat as reality.

"Why?" I nearly whined "I just want to clean up after Mary! I even believe, no.. believe belongs inside a church... I even think I found a kind of cure against Mary's curse! I broke the spell she held over you and your brother, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did indeed, however you were asleep for the remaining day and following night. And you should consult my father about your mental state."

"Come on! I told you, inside of this dream, I'm perfectly fine! But if that's what it takes for you to let me do my job, then okay! Lead the way!"

He nodded and tried to grasp me.

"Hey! Hands off!" I shouted at him jumping backwards, forgetting to flutter my wings and dropping rather uhm... let's just say I wasn't the most graceful fairy out there at that moment. And I had once again jumped from believing all of this to be real to thinking it just HAD to be sprung from my insaneness.

The Elrondion gave me a skeptical look, which I returned by rolling my eyes. "Come on, whichever twin you are! I can get there all by my insane little own."

He, however, didn't relent and picked me up from the floor, I requited this by sulking and not uttering another word to him. In hindsight, maybe he was happy about that… So we went to Lord Elrond's study in silence.

Now that I was for once not busy annoying someone or looking after Mary I could really notice and enjoy Imladris' magnificence. Yet it somehow didn't feel completely right. Was it my insanity? Mary's presence? Something else?

By the time we reached Lord Elrond's study I was quiet sure – yeah, you may call me prejudiced – that it was due to Mary's presence. Elladan/rohir – yay me! I found a way to not need to know who's who! – knocked at the door and we were asked to enter.

"Please, take a seat." Was the first thing Lord Elrond told us. So his son found himself a chair of some sort and I simply flopped down onto the desk.

"I see you have awoken." No, duh! I'm a hologram! THE HOLOGRAPHIC UNIVERSE! I thought and fought back the urge to grin. I managed to give a polite smile instead. I wonder, is anyone able to notice the difference between the two on the scale I AM RIGHT NOW?

"Yes. Uhm thanks by the way for our hospitality."

"Mary continues to wreak havoc in this place of quiet and peace." No way! Not the Mary _I_ know. _She_'d_ never_ wreak havoc! I still smiled.

"Yes, I know! But now I know how to break her curse! Isn't that great?" Now I really couldn't help but grin.

"Indeed it is. However it seems that this is the exact reason for your prolonged sleep." Ehm according to Valery, yeppers! The candidate got a hundred points!

"I guess so. But that's far better than having your sons " – at this I glared at Elladan/rohir – "fighting over her like two toddlers would over a… whatever exists in this world, don't know, let's just say… some sweet stuff!" Elladan/rohir glared right back at me, whereas Lord Elrond looked torn between amusement and worry. Amusement won over when Elladan/rohir and I engaged in a battle of glaring. After a few moments Lord Elrond broke the staring contest by saying:

"I believe you should save this ability for dire need."

I blinked and the younger elf declared himself winner of our contest. In return I stuck my tongue at him, before turning to his father.

"Uhm, with Mary every situation is dire need. You have no idea how she can get if there's something she doesn't like…" There was an awkward silence… "Oh no! Please tell me you don't have any idea! I mean come on! How much stuff could she possibly have done during one day and night?" I paused for a second. "Scratch that! It's a stupid question. What did she do and where is she?" I asked expectantly.

"Do not concern yourself with this right now. Elrohir is with her as he, as well as Elladan here, seem to have gained a resistance against her spell." The elf-lord placated me. At least it was nice to know that Elladan was at my side and Elrohir at Mary's. Not too bad for the moment. But…

"How come they are resistant? I mean she infatuated Legolas twice? Thrice? And he still can fall under her manipulative ways."

"I thought, maybe you could explain that!" Elladan sounded bewildered.

"Huh? Why ever should I be able to do exactly that? I haven't studied any kind of magic or stuff. I don't know anything about this! You know, magic isn't exactly real in my world, reality, whatever."

Awkward silence.

"Uhm… whatever did I do to get you to normal? I don't exactly remember that…" I laughed nervously and scratched my head. Elladan simply laughed.

"You yelled a lot of confusing things, then started giggling, before falling asleep on my shoulder. You seemed to have problems saying the word 'canon'. Maybe that was the cause of my brother's and my uncursing?"

"Hm. Possible, I guess. I mean, that's the word for the real storyline and real character of the, uh well, characters." _Could it really be something THAT obvious? It's so obvious no one would try it…_

I laughed nervously. Why hadn't I tried before?

"And seemingly the only way – no that's not right, Mary's own screech can do that, too – to break her curse of the Sue." And once again I got no special effects.

"Her own screech?" Lord Elrond asked, while Elladan choose to look at me – yet again – as if I had grown a second head. Or maybe a fourth…

"Yepp, during the journey to Imladris she had already infatuated prince Legolas and reduced him to a brain-dead idiot. However when she screeched he returned to normal. And stopped running into trees."

"He ran into a tree? LEGOLAS ran into a TREE?" Elladan nearly fell over with laughter.

"No." I told him "Not A tree." I grinned broadly. "Trees! As in several!"

"I wonder what Elrohir will have to say to that."

"Elladan, right now it really is not the time for your and your brother's mischief." Lord Elrond told him sternly, yet with humour in his eyes.

_Uh-oh… poor Legolas…or rather… SERVES HIM RIGHT! But before we get too sidetracked…_

"Uhm, what am I supposed to do now? I mean, I don't think I'll be able to run all around Middle-Earth and dissipate each and every of Mary's infatuations! I could try to keep all the persons I know from the story as they should be, but I don't even know whether I'll be able to do that."

It was right then, when the door burst open and a horrified Elrohir stormed in, barely managing to avoid running straight into his father.

"Ada! Help! That creature has managed to bring Legolas under her spell! And it spoke of marriage!"

I sighed. "Yeah, yeah I'll get going. Damn."

And with that I simply flew from the room, muttering to myself how unfair it all was and how the hell I was supposed to get Mary away from Legolas, or rather the other way 'round.

It was only when I crossed ways with a sulking Estel that I had an idea.

"Hey, Estel! What's wrong, kiddo?" I sat down on his little shoulder.

"No one has time to play with me, since this Mary showed up here. Everyone is busy." He pouted.

Cute.

"Well, how about I get you someone to play with, huh? Would you like that?" I am so evil, getting Estel to do my dirty work for me.

"You could do that?" The little boy's eyes lit up considerably.

"Yupp, I can. However I need you to do me a favor in order to be able to do that. What do you say?" I grinned broadly. I had – damn me! Times and times again! Damn me! – however forgotten, how smart this little boy was.

"What kind of favor?" So young and already so suspicious.

"I'm sure you know a way to part Legolas from Mary. Just tell him you need to show him something or run up to him and claim you're lost or stuff like that. I really, really need to speak to him, but I'm unable to do that while Mary is around. Legolas will surely want to play with you afterwards." _Oh please, let him buy it! Please! Please! _

"Alright. But if he doesn't, then you'll have to play with me." Clever!

"Yes! You've got yourself a deal! So, hmm, your room would be perfect! No one would think he'd hide there and should be easily able to get him there. Alright?"

"Fine!" Estel shouted, already running off.

/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

You know, I didn't exactly know what Estel'd do. He told me afterwards so maybe I should tell you later – or not at all – but I think it's too funny to do that. And furthermore it fits right now in the timeline. So that's what Estel told me he'd done:

/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

So Estel ran off away from the fairy, in search of the blond elven prince.

He had to search nearly every part of Rivendell, when he didn't find the searched for elf he even ventured out to the rim of the wood. There he found Legolas, sitting under a tree, clasping hands with Mary. The two of them exchanging vows of eternal love.

I'll let you guess, which ones are Legolas' and which ones are Mary's.

"Sun of my life! How could I have ever lived without your shining light in my life is far beyond me. Our love shall be endlessly."

"OMG! You're SO sexy!"

"Fairest of all ladies, I am still unable to believe that you chose me to spend your live with and share your love. I shall endeavor to make your choice worthwhile!"

"OMG! You're SO hot!"

Estel ducked behind a bush to set his plan in motion:

He bend down and smeared dirt across his tunic, pants and in his face. – I have to say, children are very resourceful, if they want someone to play with! – Then he spit in his hands and smeared them over his cheeks and rubbed his eyes, until he thought he had to look like he had just cried.

Then he crept a few steps backwards, got up and ran up to Legolas and Mary.

He threw himself in Legolas arms, who had to be quite baffled by the armful of sniffling child.

" 'm so glad I found you! I was playing outside alone, because no one has time for me! And I fell out of a tree! And I don't know where home is! I got lost!"

"Hey, you little brat! Get lost! This is my Legolas! Not yours!" Mary sneered at him.

"Please!" The little boy whined. "Can you please bring me home? I won't disturb you again! I just want to go home!" He sniffled again.

"My love, it shall not take long. I promise I'll return to you immediately. How could I remain in the presence of the kindest and loveliest of all ladies, if I refused to help a lost child. Surely someone of your kindness would not want to have anything to do with me, if I didn't help little Estel." The elven prince exclaimed smitten.

Mary merely giggled "Just make sure you're back soon to tell me how great I am!"

And so Legolas took Estel's hand in his and they walked together back to Rivendell.

However when Rivendell came into sight Legolas wanted to go back, because Estel would surely be able to find his way back from there on.

So Estel simply made a show of stumbling and falling and hurting his foot. And then he made Legolas carry him to his room.

* * *

A/N: That's it, once again. My, aren't children resourceful?


End file.
